Butting Heads

Learning how to make two heads better than one

01/02/2019

Matthew 23:8-12 Jesus spoke to the crowds and to his disciples: "Do not be called 'Rabbi.' You have but one teacher, and you are all brothers. Call no one on earth your father; you have but one Father in heaven. Do not be called 'Master'; you have but one master, the Christ. The greatest among you must be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled; but whoever humbles himself will be exalted."

There’s an old adage that teaches: two heads are better than one. That truism is easy to understand but hard to put into practice because it requires humility to hear that another head has a better idea than me. I love to collaborate with other people on projects but the real secret to the successful chemistry of collaboration lies in seeing that others are sometimes smarter than me.

Sometimes a staff member at the church or school comes to me with a problem, and asks what they should do. After they describe the difficulty in some detail, I ask them, “What do you think we should do?” They rarely retort: “I don’t know, Fr. John, that’s why I’m asking you!” Instead, they are pleased I care about their opinion, and they usually have a pretty good idea already how to address the challenge. Frequently, their solution ends up being a lot better than mine. It has come as a great relief to me to realize I don’t always have to know all the answers to all questions. I have even learned to rejoice when others find the solutions first. The secret sauce in the chemistry of collaboration is humility. Without humility two heads are not better than one, they are just butting heads.

Today’s feast of Sts. Basil the Great and Gregory of Nazianzan highlights both this holy humility and this saintly collaboration. Both Basil and Gregory lived in the 300’s and put their two heads together to fight heresy, especially Arianism that denied the divinity of Christ. At the Council of Constantinople in 381 the Church developed the Nicean Creed which we recite every Sunday at Mass. Two of the principal participants at that council were Basil and Gregory. Listen to how lovingly Gregory describes their friendship. He wrote: “Our rivalry consisted not in seeking the first place for oneself but in yielding it to the other, for we each looked to the other’s success as his own.” What admirable humility and utter lack of ego! Of the many lessons that Basil and Gregory have left us as a legacy, perhaps the most precious is the secret sauce to the chemistry of collaboration, namely, humility. Because they did not butt heads, they were able to get ahead.

My friends, do you find it easy and enjoyable to collaborate closely with others, or do you prefer to go it alone? Some people do not believe that two heads are better than one, and as a result their motto is: “It’s my way or the highway.” Learning this chemistry of collaboration is especially valuable in marriage. I love to watch couples who show respect and even admiration for each other. They praise their spouse in public and love to talk about their accolades and achievements. They see each other as a team, each with unique gifts and talents, and there is no doubt that their two heads are better than one. Believe it or not, there really are couples in the world like that.

On the other hand, if you struggle to see your spouse that way, maybe you should pray for humility. Maybe God needs to help you reduce the size of your ego. It can comes as a welcome relief to realize that you do not have to know all the answers all by yourself, like how that realization has helped me to be a better pastor. Look to the loving friendship between Basil and Gregory, each of whom constantly saw “the other’s success as his own.”

Two heads are better than one. That holds true only if the two heads are truly humble. Otherwise, you will only end up butting heads.

Praised be Jesus Christ!