Ups and Downs

Seeing our marriages through the eyes of children

10/06/2024

Mk 10:2-16  The Pharisees approached Jesus and asked, "Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?"  They were testing him. He said to them in reply, "What did Moses command you?" They replied, Moses permitted a husband to write a bill of divorce and dismiss her." But Jesus told them, "Because of the hardness of your hearts he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate." In the house the disciples again questioned Jesus about this. He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries  another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery." And people were bringing children to him that he might touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this he became indignant and said to them, "Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it." Then he embraced them and blessed them, placing his hands on them.

Someone sent me this little joke last week. The two-letter word “up” in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word.  It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v]. It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?  Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election, and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?  We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers, and clean UP the kitchen.  We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.

At other times, this little word has more special meanings.   People stir UP trouble, we line UP for tickets, we work UP an appetite, and we think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special. And this UP is also confusing:  A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

If you are UP to the task, try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.  It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more examples. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP! Oh . . . one more thing:  What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night? Can you spell the word “up”? U --- P! Hey, why are you laughing? I am just spelling a word.

Today’s gospel deals with what causes the greatest ups and downs in life, namely, marriage. Think about it: the happiest day in your life is your wedding day. But the saddest day in your life is the day you get divorced. Indeed the Pharisees ask Jesus precisely about these two great ups and downs, marriage and divorce: “Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?” And Jesus answers: “What God has joined together no human being must separate.”

And then Jesus seems to lose his train of thought, and changes the subject by talking about children. Not at all, I think he’s still laser focused on the topic of marriage, namely, children, marriage’s greatest up. How so? Well, children are literally the embodiment of the one-flesh union of their mom and dad.

I remember Scott Hahn saying once: “The two become one and the one is so real that nine months later you have to give it a name!” That two (husband and wife) become one flesh, a baby. And isn’t this why some parents wait until their children are adults and out of the house before they divorce? That is, children remind us of the responsibility of marriage; what God has joined no one must separate.

Every week I spend several hours a day working on annulments for the diocesan marriage tribunal. On the tribunal staff, I am called the Defender of the Bond, but a better title might be “the devil’s advocate." Why? Well, because I try to think of all the reasons someone should NOT get an annulment. Yeah, people really love me. That is, I examine all the ups and downs in someone marriage, and make observations about why the ups outweigh the downs – especially if there are children – and why the couple in question should still be married.

Folks, I am convinced that the toughest teaching of the Catholic Church is not what we believe about Mary, or the infallibility of the pope, or even the Real Presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. Rather, our hardest doctrine has to do with what we mean by marriage. Why? Well, think of all the people who struggle with divorce and remarriage, with same-sex marriage, and remember how King Henry VIII separated from the Rome and started his own church because Pope Clement VII would not give him an annulment?

And people today are still leaving the Church over her teaching about marriage. In other words, the ups and downs of our marital relationships often reflect rather accurately the ups and downs of our spiritual relationship with the Church, which is to say, with God. The question: “Where am I in my marriage?” is often a profoundly an insightful way to understand the question, “Where am I with God?”

Perhaps one way we can approach what the Church means by marriage and why she insists on its indissolubility is to see it through the eyes of children – surely the greatest “up” of married life. That is, when we feel the natural responsibility we have for our children, we begin to sense the supernatural responsibility we have for keeping our marriage vows. And then we glimpse why the Church’s teaching is so rigorous and uncompromising.

In the gospel today, Jesus says “Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” Then he embraces, blesses, and places his hands on little children immediately after his tough teaching about marriage (arguably his hardest). It is almost as if he says to their moms and dads, “The reason you endure all the ups and downs of married life is more for them than for you.” Children are your most precious Up.

Praised be Jesus Christ!