Sorrow and Strength

Learning maternal love in the midst of the clergy crisis

09/15/2018

John 19:25-27 Standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple there whom he loved he said to his mother, "Woman, behold, your son." Then he said to the disciple, "Behold, your mother." And from that hour the disciple took her into his home.

We can find few things in this world as strong and sturdy as a mother’s love for her child. The prophet Isaiah even employed it as an analogy for how great God’s love is, asking rhetorically: “Can a mother forget her infant or be without tenderness for the child of her womb? Even should she forget I will never forget you.” That is, God’s love surpasses even a mother’s love, incredible as that is to imagine.

But there is a downside to such strong love, namely, severe sorrow. The more perfect the love the more piercing the sorrow. Those who experience great love will also experience great sorrow, and no one knows that better than a mother when she sees her child suffer. I have witnessed the depths of maternal sorrow born of maternal love watching my sister-in-law’s anguish in losing her first born son. Those who love much are susceptible to suffer much.

I think new light can be shed on the clergy abuse scandal if we look at it through the eyes of a mother, and through the heart of a mother. Would the cries and claims of innocent victims have fallen on deaf ears if the Church had listened with a mother’s love? Pope Francis said clericalism lies at the core of the clergy abuse crisis which is essentially a lack of maternal love. On August 25 in Ireland, the Holy Father said: “Sexual abuse is the consequence of abuse of power and of conscience…The abuse of power exists. Who among us does not know an authoritarian bishop? Forever in the Church there have been authoritarian bishops and religious superiors. And authoritarianism is clericalism” (Crux, Sept. 13, 2018). Pope Francis suggests that if bishops had possessed the tender love of a mother, the clergy crisis could have been crushed before it commenced. Bishops should have felt the fury of a momma bear when her cubs are threatened. The strength of a mother’s love could have prevented the sorrow of the clergy crisis.

September 15 is the annual celebration of Our Lady of Sorrows and highlights how much a mother can suffer because of how much a mother can love. Traditionally, the Church meditates on seven sorrows of Mother Mary. They are: (1) the prophesy of Simeon predicting the sword piercing Mary’s heart, (2) the flight into Egypt, (3) the loss of the child Jesus in the Temple, (4) Jesus and Mary meeting on the way of the Cross, (5) the crucifixion on Calvary, (6) the taking down of Jesus’ body from the Cross, called in Greek “apokathelosis,” and (7) the burial of Jesus in a new tomb. Even though Mary did not become a momma bear as she watched her Son’s suffering on Golgotha, her immaculate heart must have shattered into a million pieces every time the hammer hit the nail in Jesus’ hands. How much every mother’s heart hurts when she beholds her child’s pain and feels powerless to protect him or her! A mother’s heart loves her child like no other heart, but Mary’s heart loved most perfectly because she had no sin and neither did her Son. Perfect love suffers the most profound sorrow. The strength of love also makes inevitable the sorrow of love.

May I suggest that Mother Mary be our teacher in learning lesson of love, especially its strength and its sorrows? I think we can learn at least three lessons meditating on Mary’s heart and her sorrows. First, Mary can give us fresh eyes on how to deal with the clergy crisis, both by looking backward and seeing what went wrong, and by looking forward and seeing what needs to be set right. She can counteract that uncaring clericalism in the Church with the strength of maternal love. Second, she can help us be open to the contribution of women in understanding and growing in faith and fortitude. Pope St. John Paul II coined the catchy phrase “feminine genius.” We priests must listen and learn from women, especially mothers because they can enormously enrich the Church’s faith and fortitude. Put simply: a mother never stops loving. And third, mothers can help us prepare policies and procedures to protect the innocent and prosecute and punish the guilty. Mothers have an innate sense of justice and fairness as they adjudicate disputes like Judge Judy with their children, who often interact like plaintiff and defendant in the domestic courtroom. Mothers are great judges.

Love is a two-sided coin: on the one side is strength and on the other side is sorrow. Those who love much will suffer much sorrow. If you are feeling deep sorrow dealing with the clergy crisis, take heart – that means you have great love. But not as much love or sorrow as Mother Mary.

Praised be Jesus Christ!