Thursday, July 7, 2016

Funny as Hell

Turning our thoughts to heaven and hell  

Mark 9:41-50 
Jesus said to his disciples: “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were put around his neck and he were thrown into the sea. If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter into life maimed than with two hands to go into Gehenna, into the unquenchable fire. And if your foot causes you to sin, cut if off. It is better for you to enter into life crippled than with two feet to be thrown into Gehenna. And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. Better for you to enter into the Kingdom of God with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into Gehenna, where their worm does not die, and the fire is not quenched.   
          Do you spend much time thinking about hell? For that matter, how much time do you think about heaven? These are such heavy matters that, when we do bother to think about them, we try to make light of them; we joke about them. Here are a few classics of heavenly humor. Question: how do you make holy water? Answer: you boil the hell out of it. Question: what do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell? Answer: you get another lawyer. (I can tell lawyer jokes because I’m a canon lawyer.) Okay, just one more. In heaven, the cooks are French, the policemen are English, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian, and the bankers are Swiss. But in hell, the cooks are English, the policemen are German, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and the bankers are Italians. Sometimes, the only way our finite minds can grapple with the infinite realities of heaven and hell is to find a little humor in them.
          In the gospel today, however, Jesus does not think hell is any laughing matter. In fact, Jesus says very strikingly and very soberly, “If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter into life maimed than with two hands go into Gehenna, into the unquenchable fine.” In other words, our bodily well-being should be sacrificed for the sake of our spiritual well-being. Sometimes we have to forego the finite in order to grab hold of the infinite. Scott Hahn once said that Jesus made more statements about hell than all the other New Testament writers combined. You see, Jesus spent a lot of his time teaching people about both heaven and hell – after all, we’ll spend a lot more time there than we will on earth – and neither heaven nor hell tickled Jesus’ funny bone.
          My friends, let me invite you to make heaven and hell more a permanent part of your thinking and praying and conversations. Instead of talking about politics and the play-offs, try to imagine what heaven and hell might be like. Read the Bible, especially the last book of Revelation. I highly recommend Scott Hahn’s book “The Lamb’s Supper” as a good overview of the book of Revelation. Pick up the Catechism of the Catholic Church and read what we Catholics believe about our eternal destiny. I personally learned a lot by studying Pope Saint John Paul II’s “theology of the body.” The pope’s explanations not only changed how I look at heaven, but also how I live on earth, and how I try to love other people while I’m here. I gotta tell ya, it shook me down to my shoelaces. The amount of time we will spend in heaven (or in hell) will make the time we spend on earth seem like a fraction of a second. And yet most people only spend a fraction of a second thinking about eternity.
          C. S. Lewis said, “We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased” (Lewis, “The Weight of Glory” essay). Folks, don’t be so easily pleased by the mud pies earth has to offer.

          Praised be Jesus Christ!

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