Family Feelings

Prioritizing our supernatural family above our natural

09/24/2024

LK 8:19-21 The mother of Jesus and his brothers came to him but were unable to join him because of the crowd. He was told, “Your mother and your brothers are standing outside and they wish to see you.” He said to them in reply, “My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and act on it.”

As you know, we priests are normally celibate, meaning we do not marry or have a natural family. Now, our diocese does have a few married priests and they are great priests and men. But that rule about celibacy is a two-edged knife that cuts both ways, both positively and negatively. It is positive because it allows us greater freedom to serve others; we are not tied down by a wife and kids.

One lady told me several years ago that she could never go to confession to a married priest. Why? She explained that she could not be sure that when he is laying next to his wife in bed at night, he might not say, “Honey, you will never believe what I heard today!” So, being celibate is positive because it helps with the confidentiality of the confessional.

But celibacy can also be a knife that cuts negatively. How so? Well, without a wife and children, priests can live in an artificial bubble and become unsympathetic to the plight and problems of married people. I don’t have to change diapers, or save for a wedding, or plan for retirement, or teach a teenager how to drive a car!

In fact, it wasn’t until I got my dog Apollo that I learned to be more sympathetic because there are a lot of similarities between raising children and training dogs, mutatis mutandis. So, that is the negative side of celibacy, namely, it can isolate a priest and make him insensitive to people’s everyday difficulties and dilemmas.

In the gospel today, we see Jesus dealing with the pressures of family life, both the positive and the negative. Now, obviously, Jesus was celibate and not married with children, no matter what Dan Brown fantasized in The DaVinci Code. Nonetheless, he did feel the pressure of family life because of his mother Mary, foster-father Joseph, and cousins (called brothers and sisters in Judaism).

So, someone says to him, “Your mother and your brothers are standing outside and they wish to see you.” But Jesus replies: “My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and act on it.” In other words, Jesus emphasizes the positive side of celibacy, and St. Paul would build on that foundation in 1 Corinthians 7. That is, more urgent than the natural obligations of family life are the supernatural demands of hearing and obeying God’s word.

I try to go see my parents on Fridays. But whenever I have a funeral on Friday, they never complain about my absence but always assure me instead: “Son, go take care of your people. Your parishioners are your priority.” And when Jesus answered as he did in the gospel today, Mary and his cousins no doubt reacted the same way as my parents when I have a Friday funeral. The supernatural family should take precedence over the natural family.

My friends, clearly not everyone is called to celibacy. Nonetheless, we all have to weigh and balance our natural and supernatural obligations and prioritize the latter over the former. I regularly talk to grandparents whose adult children have not baptized their children, that is, the grandparents’ grandchildren are unbaptized.

It causes great grief and concern for the grandparents, and it should. While always respecting the rights of the parents, the grandparents should fervently pray for their children to live their faith and look for opportunities to put in a good word about the immense value of baptism.

Parents’ supernatural obligations can also be tested in the many ways children choose to marry these days. Some choose to simply live together and forego marriage all together, others marry their same-sex partner, still others undergo sex-change surgeries due to feelings of gender dysphoria.

These are extremely complex and highly sensitive situations, and I feel great sympathy for parents who try to navigate these uncharted waters. The only advice I can give is to keep your eyes on Jesus and don’t lose your faith while you try to love your family. Through prayer and patience, try to prioritize your supernatural duties over your natural affinities.

After considering all these challenges parents face today, celibacy might sound pretty attractive. Listen again to the profound exchange in the gospel today: “Jesus was told, ‘Your mother and your brothers are standing outside and they wish to see you.’ Jesus said to them in reply, ‘My mother and brothers are those who hear the word of God and act on it.’” In other words, I’ll be here if your funeral falls on a Friday.

Praised be Jesus Christ!