Lighten the Load

Learning to appreciate those who love us tenderly

07/29/2023

Jn 11:19-27 Many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them about their brother [Lazarus, who had died]. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went to meet him; but Mary sat at home. Martha said to Jesus, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask of God, God will give you." Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise." Martha said to him, "I know he will rise, in the resurrection on the last day." Jesus told her, "I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live, and anyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" She said to him, "Yes, Lord. I have come to believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, the one who is coming into the world."

Can priests have close friends among his own parishioners? That is, can there be some people in the congregation that he is closer to and spends more time with than others? I used to think that was not possible or prudent. Why not? Well, if the priest is the father of the spiritual family of the church, and the people are his spiritual children, then he should not play favorites. Just like parents should love all their children equally and not have favorites. Do parents have favorites among their children? I don’t know about other people, but I am sure that I am my parents’ favorite child.

While as a general rule parents (and also pastors) should not have favorites among their children, they also realize not all children come with the same gifts and talents, or are strapped with the same struggles and short-comings. As a consequence, parents tend to gravitate toward those children whom they can rely on for help, leadership, and even to catch a break occasionally.

For example, parents might leave an older child in charge of his younger siblings while they go on a date night, or get away for a weekend. Other parents might see one child would be better suited to run the family business, and the other children feel uninterested or seem unprepared.

Even though parents love all their children equally, and with all their hearts, they find some children actually lighten the load of being a mom or dad. So, too, with us priests. We love you all equally, but some parishioners lighten our load with their kindness, generosity, and care.

Today, July 29, is the feast of the saintly siblings Martha, Mary, and Lazarus of Bethany. And if we read the gospel accounts carefully, we see that Jesus had a special affection for them, perhaps more than everyone else in his orbit of acquaintances. We are all familiar with how Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead; how he wept at his tomb; how Martha remonstrates with Jesus telling him he should have come earlier, how Mary loved to sit at Jesus’ feet and listen to him speaking, and how Jesus spent the last week of his life in Bethany at their home.

Why did Jesus enjoy spending so much time in Bethany with Martha, Mary, and Lazarus? Didn’t Jesus know that he should love all his people equally, and not play favorites among his sheep? Didn’t Jesus think some people would feel jealous that he spent more time with these siblings than with them? Yes, all that may be true, and I believe Jesus was aware of all those concerns.

Nonetheless, Jesus was also fully human, as well as being fully divine, and perhaps he felt in Bethany those three siblings lightened his load in being the Messiah and Savior. And perhaps Jesus also did that so I would not feel guilty or inadequate as a priest when I lean on some parishioners for love and support more than others.

Folks, this is a lesson we can all apply to our Christians vocations, even if we are not a priest or a parent. In other words, it is imperative that we love everyone equally, and without exception. Indeed, the second commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself. Still, there will be some neighbors who lighten our load as Christians.

There will be some with whom we can sort of let down our hair, and around whom we can relax and be ourselves. This is the best sense in which women like to have a girls’ night out, or men go and play golf together. Not only to get away from it all, but to be able to return to it all with renewed vigor. When we can relax for a while, like Jesus did in Bethany, we can return to our regular vocation of father, mother, husband, wife, and priest with new energy and enthusiasm.

You know, I like to use that well-worn adage, “there is no vacation from a vocation.” This is especially true when people go on vacation and try to skip Mass on Sunday. But perhaps we all need a little vacation from a vocation when we spend time with close friends, who lighten our load.

Praised be Jesus Christ!