Fairy-tale Frogs

Allowing others to love us as we really are 

11/30/2018

Matthew 4:18-22 As Jesus was walking by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon who is called Peter, and his brother Andrew, casting a net into the sea; they were fishermen. He said to them, "Come after me, and I will make you fishers of men." At once they left their nets and followed him. He walked along from there and saw two other brothers, James, the son of Zebedee, and his brother John. They were in a boat, with their father Zebedee, mending their nets. He called them, and immediately they left their boat and their father and followed him.

It is very normal and natural to want others to think we are better than we really are. All men want to come across like the knight in shining armor or prince charming, while women want to appear as snow white or Cinderella. No one wants to be the fairy-tale frog the princess has to kiss in order to be loved and married. For instance, I tell engaged couples preparing for marriage that the worst thing that can happen to you on your wedding day is you marry a stranger, someone you do not really know. But the best thing that could happen is you look at each other and say, “I know you’re not the knight in shining armor, but I still want to marry you and spend my life with you.” How wonderful for someone to know me as the fairy-tale frog and still want to kiss me?

We have a wonderful parishioner that comes each week to clear the rectory. Do you know what we do the day before she comes? We straighten everything up and clean the rectory as much as possible. Does anyone else do that? We don’t want her to think we are frogs, but rather prince charming. Everyone wants to look better than they are, but deep inside we are all just frogs who need to be kissed and loved in spite of our failings and foolishness.

Today is the feast of St. Andrew, and there is not a lot that the gospels tell us about him. His claim to fame is being the brother of St. Peter. Also, he brings the boy who has the loaves and fishes to Jesus for the miracle of the multiplication. Additionally, Andrew introduces some Greeks who wanted an audience with Jesus. Because of this lacuna or gap in historical data about Andrew – he seems more like a frog than a prince of the church – a hagiography was written about him called Acts of Andrew. A hagiography is a kind of biography that blows a person’s good qualities way out of proportion to make him look better than he is. For example, in the Acts of Andrew, we read that while being crucified on an “x-shaped” cross, he was able to give a sermon for three days. We know that cannot be true because a three-day sermon would crucify the people, not the preacher. In other words, a hagiography tries to clean up a saint’s house before the housekeeper arrives. It tries to make every saint appear perfect, a prince charming. But Jesus came to kiss us and love us while we are still frogs, and the grace that comes from his kiss makes us good.

My friends, it is not at all easy to try to fight the tendency to think we are better than we really are. We all write hagiographies about our lives instead of true autobiographies. When we talk about ourselves we naturally and unthinkingly justify our actions. When there is a conflict we are clearly right and the other person is obviously wrong. It takes a great deal of humility and not hagiography to see we can be ugly frogs, too. In medical school doctors are trained to interpret how patients make themselves look better than they are. To the question how much alcohol do you drink? The doctors should double that answer. To the question, how much sex do you have in a week? The doctor should cut that answer in half. This is one reason it is so hard for people to go to confession. We kneel in humble acknowledgement of our sins and say in so many words, “I have behaved more like a frog than a prince.” Some priests mistakenly believe that putting on the priestly collar hides all their imperfections and we parade around like princes of the church, instead of seeing the silly sinners that we really are. We all hide our dirty laundry before the housekeeper comes.

Maybe today St. Andrew can help us stop worrying about appearing like prince charming or snow white and let other people see us and love us for who we really are. Jesus Christ, the only true Prince Charming, did not come to call the self-righteous but the sinner. Only his kiss will transform us from frogs to someone fabulous. But he cannot do that as long as we think our life is a hagiography.

Praised be Jesus Christ!