Givers and Takers

Learning the difference between happiness and joy

05/16/2018

Acts of the Apostles 20:28-38 At Miletus, Paul spoke to the presbyters of the Church of Ephesus: “Keep watch over yourselves and over the whole flock of which the Holy Spirit has appointed you overseers, in which you tend the Church of God that he acquired with his own Blood. I know that after my departure savage wolves will come among you, and they will not spare the flock. And from your own group, men will come forward perverting the truth to draw the disciples away after them. So be vigilant and remember that for three years, night and day, I unceasingly admonished each of you with tears. And now I commend you to God and to that gracious word of his that can build you up and give you the inheritance among all who are consecrated. I have never wanted anyone’s silver or gold or clothing. You know well that these very hands have served my needs and my companions. In every way I have shown you that by hard work of that sort we must help the weak, and keep in mind the words of the Lord Jesus who himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

Today I would like to teach you the difference between two words that seem the same but are as different as night and day; indeed, they are a wide apart as heaven and earth. The two words are “happiness” and “joy.” Now, most people would say happiness and joy are basically the same, but I believe they are decidedly different. Happiness is what you feel when you receive something; joy is what you feel when you give something.  Happiness is short-lived and shallow, and what most people on earth pine for; but joy lasts longer is deeper, and what the saints and angels in heaven enjoy. Happiness makes you more human, joy makes you more divine.

I learned the difference between happiness and joy in eighth grade. That Christmas I received a bike from Santa Claus, and I was very happy, especially because my bike was faster than everyone else’s in our neighborhood. That same Christmas, I made straight A’s on my report card (for the first time and the last time!). Now, I didn’t study hard and make good grades for me – I could care less about grades back then – but I did that for my parents, to make them happy. That was my Christmas present to them. I’ll never forget the feeling of giving versus receiving: happiness is shallow and short-lived, joy is deeper and divine. Heck, I can still feel today the joy of giving my parents that report card so many years ago, and I’m a little embarrassed how giddy I got over that bike.

This difference really defines all people into two camps: givers and takers. There really are only two kinds of people in this world: givers (who feel enduring joy) and takers (who seek fleeting happiness). This distinguishes saints and sinners: saints seek joy, giving to others, whereas sinners seek happiness, taking from others. This distinguishes children and adults: children seek happiness (they want to receive Christmas presents) but adults seek joy (they want to give Christmas presents). This also differentiates immature Catholics from mature ones. Immature Catholics go to Mass seeking happiness and complain: “I didn’t get anything out of the Mass.” Mature Catholics go to Mass seeking joy and say: “I’m glad I got to give an hour of my time to Jesus.” Have you started noticing these two kinds of people in the world – givers and takers? Have you started noticing which of these two kinds of persons you are becoming?

The whole book of the Acts of the Apostles is the story of Paul who discovered this same difference between happiness and joy, and how he underwent the transformation from being a taker into a giver. As a Pharisees, he was a taker – he took the lives of men, women and children who professed Christianity. He believed that killing them would make him happy. But after his conversion to Christ, he became a giver and was ready to give his life for others and Jesus. He only wanted joy. He explains his attitude to the Ephesians in Acts 20, saying: “In every way I have shown you that by hard work of that sort (he was a tent-maker) we must help the weak, and keep in mind the words of the Lord Jesus, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive’.” In other words, Christians should always seek joy not happiness, to be givers not takers.

As we come to the conclusion of another year at Trinity, the ninth graders demonstrate what they seek and what kind of persons they are becoming. They have prepared a gift for their teachers. That may seem like a small thing, but it hides a huge lesson. When they give this gift, I hope they feel what I discovered back in eighth grade: the profound difference between happiness and joy. One is shallow and short-lived, but the other is deeper and even divine. The same transformation that St. Paul experienced in the Acts of the Apostles, our ninth graders have hopefully experienced over their three years here at Trinity Junior High. You arrived here as takers and hopefully you leave as givers; you came here as children but hopefully you depart from here more like adults; you came here only knowing happiness but we hope you graduate from here having discovered joy.

By the way, I believe I misspoke early when I said the difference between joy and happiness is like that between heaven and earth. It’s actually more like the difference between heaven and hell. Heaven is filled with givers who only want joy, but hell is full of takers who think they will be happy. I’m very proud of our ninth graders who have chosen to be givers and feel joy of Jesus. This is why we say Trinity not only prepares you for Harvard, but for Heaven.

Praised be Jesus Christ!