Enemy or Frenemy

 

Learning to pray for and love our enemies

06/16/2026

Matthew 5:43-48 Jesus said to his disciples: "You have heard that it was said, You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have? Do not the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brothers only, what is unusual about that? Do not the pagans do the same? So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect."

A couple of years ago I was talking with Deacon Charlie about how my dog, Apollo, loves to chase squirrels. I said squirrels are Apollo’s archenemies. But Dc. Charlie gently corrected me, and said: “They are probably more like ‘frenemies’.” Have you ever heard that word before: frenemies? It took me a moment to catch it, but I quickly realized the word “frenemy” is a compound of two words, “friend” and “enemy.” And that is exactly how Apollo looked at squirrels: as frenemies, as double-agents, whom he loved and hated.

In the gospel today we continue hearing sections of Jesus’ magnificent Sermon on the Mount. We are in the middle of the portion called “the six antithesis,” where Jesus contrasts what the Old Testament taught wit his own New Testament teachings. And today he teaches us about our frenemies like Dc. Charlie taught me and Apollo. So, our Lord says: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

Can you hear how Jesus raises the Christian bar of moral behavior by introducing the idea of frenemies? In other words, Apollo relentlessly chased squirrels to catch them – he had no clue what he would do if he ever caught one – but he secretly loved the chase and the friendly competition. In like manner, we should treat our enemies with a secret admiration and love. How so? Well, we can start to love them by praying for them. You cannot pray for someone and truly hate them simultaneously. The human heart is not big enough for both feelings.

Here’s another way to love our enemies by seeing them as our frenemies. One day Fr. Daniel Velasco and I were watching TV and we were talking about “the big 3” the GOATS of Federer, Nadal, and Djokovic. And I remarked: “Imagine how great one of them could have been if the other two had not lived at the same time!” And Fr. Daniel replied: “It’s precisely because the other two lived at the same time, and pushed each other to excel, that each became a legend.” That is, they were both enemies and friends who challenged each other to greater heights of tennis.

Here’s yet another illustration of how to love our enemies because they’re really our frenemies. In the 2,000 year history of the Church there have been 21 ecumenical councils, when the pope and the world’s bishops gathered to discuss doctrine and discipline. But do you know what invariably sparked the need for the council? It can be summed up in one word: heretics, that is, people who don’t believe the true faith. Or, to put it in modern parlance: the enemies of the faith.

But in retrospect, those heretics, those enemies, really turned out to be our frenemies. How so? They caused us, indeed they forced us, to refine and perfect our understandings of the faith. For example, the First Council of Nicea in 325, responding to the Arian heresy, defined that Jesus was truly God and truly Man, something that Arius had disputed.  In hindsight, we might call Arius not a heretic but a frenemy because he caused the Church to deepen our faith and to defend and love it even more.

Today take a moment to call to mind the people you might consider your enemies. Perhaps we think of Iran and terrorists as our enemies. Or maybe we categorize our political opponents as our enemies: Democrats or Republicans. Or maybe our competitors in business are our enemies and we try to sell more widgets than they do.

Or, maybe if your have a dog like Apollo, then you think of those dastardly squirrels as your archenemies. Or maybe your nosey and ne’er-do-well neighbor, or your ex-spouse is your enemy. Once you have these enemies squarely in your mind, let me invite you to do two things today. First, pray for your enemies. I offer the first decade of the rosary for my so-called enemies.

And second, see how your enemies force you to become better: a better American, a better Republican or Democrat, a better businessman, a better dog, a better neighbor, a better spouse, and even a better Church. Maybe Dc. Charlie was right and our archenemies are really our archfrenemies. And we should thank God for them.

Praised be Jesus Christ!