I Must Decrease

Putting attention on others and Jesus

09/22/2020

Matthew 9:9-13 As Jesus passed by, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the customs post. He said to him, “Follow me.” And he got up and followed him. While he was at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat with Jesus and his disciples. The Pharisees saw this and said to his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” He heard this and said, “Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do. Go and learn the meaning of the words, I desire mercy, not sacrifice. I did not come to call the righteous but sinners.”

There is a noticeable tendency among the spiritually mature to speak less about themselves and more about others, and especially about God. When they do speak about themselves, it is typically in unflattering terms by pointing out their own faults and failures. They are reluctant to use the pronoun “I” unless it is to share what they have done poorly.

Many years ago in another parish we were interviewing for the job of development director. The various candidates submitted cover letters with their resumes. Obviously, in a cover letter you have to “sell yourself,” but this particular person used the pronoun “I” 16 times. I didn’t pay much attention to that until one of the people on the interview committee pointed out how self-centered that sounded. We did not offer him the job mainly because of how he came across in the cover letter. The spiritually mature tend not to “sell themselves,” they are “selling Jesus” in the sense that they want people to fall in love with the Lord.

Today is the feast of St. Matthew, one of the twelve apostles, and it is easy to spot this spiritual tendency of humility in him. The gospel story is Matthew telling the episode of his own call to follow Christ. Notice the lack of the first person singular pronoun “I.” We read: “As Jesus passed by, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the custom’s post.” The apostle could have written: “One day Jesus passed by while I was sitting at my custom’s post.” But he demurred.

What’s even more compelling is that none of the four gospels identifies the author. Even though modern bibles place the title “Matthew,” “Mark,” “Luke” and “John” at the beginning of each gospel, not one of the early manuscripts records such a title. The Greek title “Kata Matthaion” (According to Matthew) is a later addition. In other words, it is based purely on Church tradition that we have any clue who wrote which gospel. Why? That is how much they wanted their own personalities to fade into the background and have Jesus’ personality shine in the foreground. As St. John the Baptist said in John 3:30: “He must increase and I must decrease.” Just like someone pointed out to me how much the pronoun “I” can be overused and indicate pride, so the canonical gospels like Matthew insist on how much the pronoun “I” should be underused and thereby indicate humility.

My friends, the practical lesson for us today is to pay more attention to how we talk, especially about ourselves. The place where pronouns become very pronounced is in marriage counseling, especially when the couple is experiencing problems, and the words “I” and “You” become charged with emotions. Usually each person uses the first person singular like that man in his cover letter applying for development director. They acknowledge, and at times exaggerate, all the things they have done right, all the sacrifices they themselves have made, and all the injuries and injustices they themselves have suffered. On the contrary, the other spouse is the wrong-doer. In other words, “I” am innocent and “you” are guilty. And then they turn to me and say in effect: And now Fr. John, we want you to pronounce judgement: convict the guilty and acquit the innocent.”

How different is the attitude of the apostles like Matthew in the canonical gospels. When they bother to talk about themselves, which is rarely to never, they only point out their own deficiencies and difficulties. And I am convinced that would be the most productive place to start all marriage counseling: to use the pronoun “I” sparingly, and when you do, use it only to share your own struggles and selfishness. Maybe the golden rule of marriage counseling should be the words of St. John the Baptist: “I must decrease, and he must increase.” That is, I must try to see Jesus in my spouse. That would the sign of someone who is spiritually mature.

Praised be Jesus Christ!