Why Marriage Matters

Seeing the deeper reasons and roots of marriage

07/06/2020

Hosea 2:16, 17C-18, 21-22 Thus says the LORD: I will allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak to her heart. She shall respond there as in the days of her youth, when she came up from the land of Egypt. On that day, says the LORD, She shall call me “My husband,” and never again “My baal.” I will espouse you to me forever: I will espouse you in right and in justice, in love and in mercy; I will espouse you in fidelity, and you shall know the LORD.

One of the most ancient and audacious analogies for God’s love for humanity is marriage, that God not only make us like a building, but he also marries us like a bride. To be sure, there are many analogies for God’s love, like he is Shepherd and he is Savior. But no analogy strikes me quite as bold and daring as Spouse. Many years ago I heard children taunting each other on the playground. One child said: “I really love cheesecake!” And the other children ridiculed him by shouting: “Well, if you love it so much, why don’t you marry it?!” In other words, small children cannot think of a higher expression of love than marriage, even marriage to a cheesecake. Full disclosure: that little child who said he really loved cheesecake was me, and I’m still traumatized by their taunting. In a sense, we can say that God cannot think of a higher expression of his love for us than to marry us, both analogically and actually.

In the first reading today, we see the prophet Hosea acting like one of those small children on the playground and saying that God loves us so much he wants to marry us. We read in Hosea 2, “On that day, says the Lord, She (meaning God’s people) shall call me ‘My Husband’.” Hosea goes on speaking for God: “I will espouse you to me forever.” Now, just so you don’t think Hosea 2 is an isolated instance, or he’s giving in to holy hyperbole, let me share a few other prophetic passages about God’s desire to marry us. Isaiah 54:5 reads, “For your husband is your Maker; the Lord of hosts is his name.” Jeremiah 2:2 adds, “I remember the devotion of your youth, how you loved me as a bride.” Ezekiel 16:8 chimes in with: “I spread the corner of my cloak over you…I swore an oath to you…and you became mine.”

This same ancient analogy carries over into the New Testament books. In Ephesians 5:25, St. Paul writes: “Husbands love your wives, even as Christ loved the church.” In the last book of the Bible, we hear about the bride analogy again. Rev. 21:2 says: “I also saw the holy city, a new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.” In other words, when the sacred authors of Scripture search for an apt analogy for God’s love, they can do no better than school children on the playground, and they express God’s love for us in terms of marriage.

This audacious analogy is the root reason why marriage matters so much for us Christians, especially for us Catholics. When we mess with marriage – like getting a divorce, or redefining marriage, or ignoring marriage by living together (which is becoming increasingly popular today) – we touch something not only deeply natural, but also something deeply supernatural. We touch the heart of God, and obscure this audacious analogy of how much he loves us. When we cannot see marriage in its true light, we begin to lose sight of God’s love, and when we lose sight of God’s love, we cannot see ourselves clearly anymore. We lose touch with ourselves and who we are: God’s bride. That’s why marriage matters. I do not mean to criticize modern society; it must steer itself with the best lights it has. But we Christians have the light of the gospel.

You probably know that I work in the diocesan marriage tribunal, the office that grants annulments for people who have been divorced, and perhaps already remarried. Every day I walk into that office with great fear and trembling for what I’m about to do. Yes, I know that when a petitioner receives an “affirmative decision” for their previous marriage, they can get their second marriage blessed in the Church and return to the sacraments. And that is indeed a wonderful and joyous occasion. I am happy to be the priest who often officiates at blessing those second marriages. Talk about don’t let your right hand know what your left hand is doing!

But every annulment also has an unintended consequence: it obscures the ancient analogy of marriage as the highest and holiest expression of God’s love for us. God wants us to be his bride. God will never seek an annulment from us, and that is a very good thing. Listen carefully to the children on the playground, who are like the modern-day prophets, saying: “If you love it so much, why don’t you marry it?!” And so Jesus said in Mt. 21:16, “Out of the mouths of infants and nurslings you have brought forth praise.”

Praised be Jesus Christ!