Practicing listening well in conversations
12/14/2017
Matthew 11:11-15 Jesus said to the crowds: "Amen, I say
to you, among those born of women there has been none greater than John the
Baptist; yet the least in the Kingdom of heaven is greater than he. From the
days of John the Baptist until now, the Kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and
the violent are taking it by force. All the prophets and the law prophesied up
to the time of John. And if you are willing to accept it, he is Elijah, the one
who is to come. Whoever has ears ought to hear."
The hard part of any conversation is listening rather than
speaking. To be sure, speaking, too, has its own challenges and requisite
skills, and it’s not easy either. But I am convinced that it’s harder to listen
because people have a propensity to speak rather than to be silent. For
example, some of you may already have stopped listening to this homily. Even
though your eyes and ears are open, your mind may be wandering and wondering
whether you will have sausage or bacon as a side for your scrambled eggs for
breakfast after Mass.
This past weekend, Fr. Matt Garrison celebrated the English
Masses here. Several people said they enjoyed his homily, and they even quoted
him saying that I had gone to Barling because I had tapped everyone for money
here at I.C. That was a great line, but do you recall what else he said? We
often don’t hear (or remember) the important things that someone says to us.
Before I preach at Mass, I whisper this little prayer: “Come, Holy Spirit, help
me to say what Thou woulds’t have me say. And help them to hear what Thou
woulds’t have them hear.” Why? Well, because you have the harder part of the
bargain of preaching; you have to do the listening. And I pray the Holy Spirit
will help you hear well, not so much what I’m saying, but what He’s saying to
you through me.
In the gospel today, Jesus also knows the hard part of a
conversation is listening. He explains that John the Baptist is Elijah, the Old
Testament prophet, who all the Jews believed would return to announce the
coming of the Messiah. But then Jesus adds this curious little line, saying:
“Whoever has ears ought to hear.” Now, presumably everyone present that day had
two good, functioning ears. But Jesus knows it takes more than ears to hear; it
requires attention and effort to focus on what someone is saying and really
catch what they’re saying. Jesus knew some of his listeners were wondering what
to have for breakfast that day.
In your conversations with people today, try to practice the
art of listening well. Let me suggest a few skills that may improve your
ability to listen better, and make it easier, and even more enjoyable. Listen
not only to what people say verbally with their words, but also non-verbally,
with sign language. When you pay attention to body language – a smile or a frown,
crossed arms or nervous twitches – you are sort of “listening with your eyes.”
We all know we can listen with your ears, but did you ever think you can also
listen with your eyes when people speak to you? Another skill of good listening
is asking probing questions, like “How did that make you feel?” Or, “Can you
tell me more about that?” or “Is there anything I can do to help you?” That
demonstrates to your interlocutor that you’re really listening and paying
attention. Listening well is invaluable in conversations with your spouse, with
your children, with your parents, with your friends, and even with God.
Today is the feast of St. John of the Cross, the great
doctor of the Church and the fearless reformer of the Carmelite Order.
Carmelite spirituality is essentially one of a heightened and holy listening to
God, to develop a spirit of deep silence so that we don’t miss anything God
says, verbally or non-verbally. Carmelites follow the advice that Eli gave to
the young prophet Samuel in 1 Samuel 3:10, who said when God spoke to him:
“Speak, Lord, your servant is listening.” And by the way, have fruit with your
eggs, not bacon or sausage.
Praised be Jesus Christ!
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