Fear and Fascination

Developing the two sides of every relationship

02/25/2017

Mark 10:13-16 

          People were bringing children to Jesus that he might touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this he became indignant and said to them, "Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the Kingdom of God like a child will not enter it." Then he embraced the children and blessed them, placing his hands on them.

          Did you ever think that fear can be a good? Indeed, I think fear is a healthy and even holy ingredient in every relationship. One of the most effective U.S. generals in World War II was George S. Patton. He famously said, “In about fifteen minutes we’re going to start turning these boys into fanatics – razors. They’ll lose their fear of the Germans. I only hope to God they never lose their fear of me.” Patton wanted his men to fear him more than the Germans, and that filial fear made Patton’s army very victorious. Several years ago I was teaching Latin at St. Joseph School in Fayetteville, and one teacher shared her secret to be a successful teacher. She said, “Never smile before Thanksgiving.” In other words, foment a little fear in your students. It will help you and them to have a more productive academic experience. A little fear goes a long way.

         Of course, fear is only one side of a healthy relationship; the other side is fascination, an alluring attraction to another. I’m currently reading a book called Five Presidents, about a secret service agent named Clint Hill. Listen to how he describes his first day he walked into the White House. He writes: “As I entered the White House, my anxieties dissipated, and all I could feel was an overwhelming sense of pride. Portraits of past presidents lined the walls, gazing down on the people who were bustling around with urgency and purpose…I tried to take it all in, making mental observations of every detail so the next time I saw my mother I could tell her what it was like to be inside the White House” (Five Presidents, 14). In other words, fear is not enough, good relationships also demand fascination. In Latin these two sides are called “mysterium tremendum” (fear) and “mysterium fascinosum” (fascination). I believe that any relationship will suffer when we lose one side or the other.

          The Scripture readings today teach that both fear and fascination are critical in a healthy spirituality, our relationship with God. In the first reading, Sirach says, “God puts the fear of him in every flesh.” And a little later he repeats: “He puts the fear of himself upon their hearts, and showed them his mighty works, That they might glory in the wonder of his deeds and praise his holy name.” Like Patton, God wants his men to have a holy fear of him. In the gospel, on the other hand, Jesus wants to teach the other side of spirituality, namely, fascination. He scolds his apostles (who wanted to keep teaching fear) and tells them: “Let the little children come to me and do not prevent them.” Like Clint Hill entering the White House, Jesus wanted these children to drawn near to him, be fascinated with him, and fall in love with him. Mysterium tremendum, mysterium fascinosum, both are necessary.

          My friends, I believe one reason marriages suffer and struggle so much is due to the loss of one (or both) of these sides of every healthy relationship. Every romantic soiree evinces some healthy fear: a fear to say the wrong thing, a fear to miss a birthday, a fear of looking foolish, a fear he won’t like my casserole, a fear of hurting her feelings. Every husband and wife should say with General Patton, “I only hope to God my spouse never loses his or her fear of me.” Such filial fear is healthy and holy in a marriage. On the other hand, you should also feel fascination with your spouse, and appreciate them in every age, no matter what their age. Fulton Sheen once warned: “Jewelers get used to fine diamonds.” Have you gotten used to your spouse and started to take them for granted? Find new ways to be fascinated with your husband or wife. Every person is a child of God, and therefore, it is ontologically impossible for your spouse to become banal and boring. Every person is as fascinating a U.S. president.

          Mysterium tremendum (fear) and mysterium fascinosum (fascination) are the two sides of every healthy love. Today, ask Jesus to give you the grace to grow in whichever of the two you lack.

          Praised be Jesus Christ!