Thursday, September 4, 2025

A Communist and a Count

Learning how to be a gentleman and a gentlewoman

08/26/2025

Matthew 23:23-26 Jesus said: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You pay tithes of mint and dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier things of the law: judgment and mercy and fidelity. But these you should have done, without neglecting the others. Blind guides, who strain out the gnat and swallow the camel! “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You cleanse the outside of cup and dish, but inside they are full of plunder and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee, cleanse first the inside of the cup, so that the outside also may be clean.”

I learned the finest definition of a gentleman from reading a book by St. John Henry Newman called “The Idea of a University.” By the way, you may have heard that just last week Pope Leo XIV declared that John Henry Newman is a “Doctor of the Church.” Being a doctor of the Church does not mean Newman can prescribe medicine for physical maladies.

Rather, his writings provide healing for moral and spiritual maladies. His insights about the Christian faith are a salve for eternal healing and wholeness. In The Idea of a University, Newman offers a pithy definition of a gentleman writing: “a gentleman is someone who does not cause pain to another person.”

Would that all men might not just learn but live by that standard of being a gentleman, especially in their interactions with their wives. Incidentally, if you would like a 3-D, color version of a gentleman, I recommend a book called “A Gentleman in Moscow” by Amor Towles. What Newman put philosophically, Towles paints fictionally.

The notion of a gentleman comes to the foreground in Towles’ novel when the protagonist, Count Rostov, is invited to an unexpected dinner with a Russian Bolshevik. Count Rostov is an aristocrat doing his best to maintain his dignity and decency while under house arrest in a fancy hotel called “The Metropol.”

During dinner, the Communist – who is spying on the Count – asks: “What is it about me that makes you so sure that I am not a gentleman?” The Count’s answer essentially paraphrases Newman, saying: “As a host it was perfectly appropriate for you to take up the serving tools. But a gentleman would have served his guest before he served himself.”

The Count continues: “A gentleman wouldn’t gesture at another man with his fork, or speak with his mouth full.” Then he concludes: “But perhaps most importantly, he would have introduced himself at the beginning of a conversation – particularly when he had the advantage over his guest” (210). In a word, a gentleman makes life more pleasant, not more painful, for others.

In the gospel today, Jesus levels severe criticisms against the scribes and Pharisees that sound surprisingly similar to the Count’s complaints about the Communist. Our Lord states: “You pay tithes on mint and dill and cummin, but you have neglected the weightier things of the law: judgment and mercy and fidelity.”

That is, they obey the strict letter of the law while completely ignoring the spirit of the law. And what, at root, is the spirit of the law? The love of neighbor, or as Newman and Towles articulate it: “not to cause pain to others.” The scribes and Pharisees utterly fail at being gentlemen, like the communist.

My friends, I would encourage you to learn and live by Newman’s definition of a gentleman in all areas of life – not just men but also women – and try not to cause pain to others, because these are what Jesus calls, “the weightier things of the law.” But let me invite you especially to keep this principle in mind when you come to Mass and we try to pray together in community.

The best rule of thumb in celebrating the liturgy is don’t cause pain to others while you offer praise to God. Sometimes people ask me: should we hold hands during the Our Father? Should I kneel, stand, or sit when I return from Holy Communion? Should I genuflect or bow when I enter the sanctuary to serve as a Eucharistic Minister?

Should I leave right after I receive Holy Communion? Actually, no one asks that, they just do it. We can become Nazis (or Communists) about liturgical rubrics (rules) that we forget to put my neighbor at ease and help them to pray. We cannot pray to the God we cannot see while causing pain to the neighbor we can see.

Whether in the liturgy or in life remember that conversation between a communist and a count: “What is it about me that makes you so sure that I am not a gentleman?” Jesus would answer, “You have forgotten the weightier things of the law: judgment and mercy and fidelity.” And Newman, the newest Doctor of the Church, would have prescribed the medicinal reply: “a gentleman is someone who does not cause pain to another.”

Praised be Jesus Christ!

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