Father’s Day without Dad

Hearing our father’s words as God’s wisdom

06/15/2025

John 16:12-15 Jesus said to his disciples: "I have much more to tell you, but you cannot bear it now. But when he comes, the Spirit of truth, he will guide you to all truth. He will not speak on his own, but he will speak what he hears, and will declare to you the things that are coming. He will glorify me, because he will take from what is mine and declare it to you. Everything that the Father has is mine; for this reason I told you that he will take from what is mine and declare it to you."

This past Saturday I was talking with Fr. Jason Sharbaugh and he off-handedly remarked: “This Sunday will be my first Father’s Day without my dad.” His comment cut me to the quick because I knew one day I would face that same dreaded day. And I felt a surge of gratitude that I still had my dad. I felt bad for him, but very blessed for me. Still, sooner or later everyone will face a Father’s Day without dad.

Today we begin our novena of Masses for our dads, whether living or deceased: that’s what the bundle of envelopes is on the altar. So, I hope you will reach out to your dad in some way today: with a personal visit, or a phone call, or if he has passed, include him in our novena. And I hope this is not your first Father’s Day without your dad, like it is for Fr. Jason.

In the liturgy today we celebrate the Most Holy Trinity, that even in God we find the fullness of Fatherhood. The heavenly Father is the only perfect Father, and therefore, every earthly father tries to emulate. And in the gospel Jesus says something that also made me think of my own father. He said to his disciples: “I have much more to tell you, but you cannot bear it now.”

My father is a man of few words – like most men are – but every now-and-then, he lets some pearls of wisdom fall from his lips. I sometimes wonder if my father, like Jesus, also has “much more to tell me”, but his son is too self-absorbed and stubborn to listen and learn, like the apostles were.

But I have picked up and practiced some of my father’s wisdom that he has accumulated over 90 years of life. I am so blessed that my dad will be 91 in October this year. And by the way, not even the NSA knows how old my mom is. Today I would like to share three of those pearls with you. And maybe these pearls will jog your memory of how your human father has taught you the heavenly Father’s wisdom. That’s what fathers are for.

My dad often says in Malayalam, “innu njaan, naale nee” which means, “today me, tomorrow you.” As my father gets older and moves slower, he’s telling me not to look down on his failing health as I still enjoy my relative physical stamina. Today, I am weak, but tomorrow it will be you.

To illustrate, he told me the parable of the leaves. One day the green leaves were shaking in the wind and laughing as the wind knocked the old brown leaf off the branch. As he was falling, he looked up at the green leaves and said, “Innu njaan, naale nee”. Why? Because in a few months the green leaves would suffer the same fate. How many young people think they will always stay young and beautiful, and never grow old and die? Today me, tomorrow you.

My father also repeats while watching commercials: “Avar aalukale kaliyaa-kukayaanu”. That means, “They are just playing with people.” In other words, don’t believe everything you see or hear on T.V. I wish more people would heed his advice instead of freaking out over someone who says some outlandish thing just to get your attention. Then of course they feel compelled to respond and say silly things, too. People are just playing with you and they made you play along. You foolishly bit on their click bate.

Another holy habit my dad displays is he will give me some of his food when we sit down for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. As he gives me his portion, he says, “Have some food from my plate.” And by the way, he only share when we have American food, never delicious Indian curry. My dad is no dummy. It took me a long time to catch on to this gesture of love.

And now I copy my father at Mass, this holy meal with my family. How so? You have seen how the priest gets a large Host and everyone else only a small Host. But I don’t eat that entire Host Instead I break it in half and distribute it to others, sometimes to an altar server, or a Communion minister. And I think in my mind: “Have some food from my plate.”

And at a wedding Mass, I not only give the bride and groom half of my large priest’s Host, but also let them sip from the priest’s chalice. After all, at every wedding, the bride and groom are the official ministries – in a sense, they are the priests – of their own marriage. So I think not only: “Have some of my Eucharistic food,” but also “have some of my priesthood.” My father has taught me to share deeply, even if he still does not share his Indian curry.

My friends, we live in a culture that has a very low regard for fatherhood. Have you noticed this in the media? Dads are often depicted as the butt of jokes, or as inept and imbeciles. Why is that? Well, in a culture that is becoming more atheistic and trying to get rid of God, it is no surprise it wages war on fatherhood, on the earthly icons of God the Father. Get rid of the evidence and people will think there is no proof for the existence of God. So we need to cherish our fathers more than ever, and stop making fun of them.

I don’t know if your father is still with you, or he has passed, but I hope you too can remember some of the life-lessons and pearls of wisdom he has taught you. Why? Well, because even though our human fathers are far from perfect, they are nonetheless one of the instruments – indeed icons – that the heavenly Father uses to communicate his own eternal love and wisdom to his children.

And perhaps the greatest lesson they can teach us is that even if this Sunday is the first Father’s Day without your dad, it will never be a Father’s Day without your heavenly Father. 

Praised be Jesus Christ!