Di Cuore

Forgiving from the heart

Matthew 18:21-35

            Peter approached Jesus and asked him, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times. That is why the Kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king who decided to settle accounts with his servants. When he began the accounting, a debtor was brought before him who owed him a huge amount. Since he had no way of paying it back, his master ordered him to be sold, along with his wife, his children, and all his property, in payment of the debt. At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.’ Moved with compassion the master of that servant let him go and forgave him the loan. When that servant had left, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a much smaller amount. He seized him and started to choke him, demanding, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ Falling to his knees, his fellow servant begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ But he refused. Instead, he had him put in prison until he paid back the debt. Now when his fellow servants saw what had happened, they were deeply disturbed, and went to their master and reported the whole affair. His master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to. Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant, as I had pity on you?’ Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers until he should pay back the whole debt. So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart.”

            One of my favorite parts of the Mass is the end of Mass, when I get to greet people as they are leaving.  I know a lot of people also like that part of Mass, because it’s over!  Some parishioners make a point to come over and say hello, while I’ve noticed other parishioners make a point to avoid me and exit through another door!  They think I don’t see them, but I do!  I especially love watching the small children.  Some run up to me and jump up and give me a big bear hug.  Others can’t stand to look at me – I can’t blame them – and their parents have to cajole them to look at me and say, “Good morning, Father.”  Hispanic parents always teach their children to shake hands with the person they are greeting.  Some Latino children look the other way as they shake my hand; their hand is close but their heart is a million miles away.  And that’s what really matters, isn’t it, what comes from the heart?  A priest friend of mine who lived in Rome always signed his letters, “Di cuore,” which is Italian and means, “From the heart.”  What matters most is what comes from the heart.

            Today’s gospel concerns Jesus parable of forgiveness. Much has been made of how many times Jesus says you should forgive, not seven times but seventy-seven times.  Scripture scholars explain that the phrase “seventy-seven” is really a symbolic number and means a limitless number of times.  You must always forgive, no matter how many times someone offends you.  But for me that’s not really the point of the parable, rather, it’s the last line, where Jesus says, “each of you must forgive your brother from your heart.”  Sometimes we forgive our neighbor but we’re like those children after Mass who shake my hand but look the other way.  Our lips are moving and saying the right words, but our hearts are a million miles away.  And what matters is what comes from the heart, “di cuore.”  And it’s easy to tell when something is heartfelt, and when it isn't.

            I’m a big fan of “Alabama” – not the football team, but the country music band!  In one song, they say, “Play me some mountain music, That comes from the heart, Play something with lots of feeling, Cause that’s where music has to start.”  The heart is also where forgiveness has to start; otherwise, forgiveness is phoney.  Today, think of someone you have to forgive, maybe your spouse, or a sibling, or an old friend.  Reach out to them and apologize or forgive them.  But don’t be like those small children after Mass who extend their hand but not their heart; don't just forgive with your lips, but also with love.  It won't matter if you forgive your brother “seventy-seven times” if that forgiveness doesn’t come “di cuore.”

            Praised be Jesus Christ!