When I Was Seven

Seeing how losing everything helps to gain God

06/26/2023

Mt 10:26-33 Jesus said to the Twelve: "Fear no one. Nothing is concealed that will not be revealed, nor secret that will not be known. What I say to you in the darkness, speak in the light; what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops. And do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather, be afraid of the one who can destroy both soul and body in Gehenna. Are not two sparrows sold for a small coin? Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father's knowledge. Even all the hairs of your head are counted. So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Everyone who acknowledges me before others I will acknowledge before my heavenly Father. But whoever denies me before others, I will deny before my heavenly Father."

I want to share with you a life-changing experience I had as a small child. It caused me to live without fear, and became the first seed of my priestly vocation. When I was seven years old my family left India to come to the United States. It was 1976. That was a very traumatic move for me. Why? You might think it was a great thing for me. After all, who doesn’t want to come to America? People are lined up trying to get in.

But if you could look at things through my seven-year-old eyes, it would seem like I lost everything overnight. It felt like I lost my friends, my neighborhood where I played, the movie theater with the balcony seating I loved, the spicy Indian food, the language of Hindi and Malayalam which I spoke fluently (but don’t now), my school. And I landed in a world where I knew no one and nothing about the culture. Of I would learn to love this new world. But the seven-year-old Fr. John felt scared, lonely, and lost.

Nonetheless, I also felt something else: the first stirrings of faith. That is, I began to believe in my little child-like way that even if I lost everything and everyone in the world that I knew, there is Something and Someone I could never lose, namely, God. I believe from then on that God would hold me in his hand and never let me fall. This profound early experience also started to shape what I should do with my life.

I felt that not only should this experience help me to grow in faith, it might help others, too. I will give you one guess who tells other people about God, and how he holds them in the hollow of his hand? Priests do (you're so smart). Of course, I could not have articulated this at that time, but that experience in 1976 was a gold mine of grace, and I have returned time and time again to tunnel into that mine and find priceless nuggets of faith, hope, and love.

And I want to spend what years the Lord is pleased to give me tunneling further into that mine and bringing out the gold of grace for everyone I minister to as a priest. This is one of the great ironies of the Christian life: just when you think you have lost everything, you have gained the most important thing, namely, God.

In the gospel today, Jesus seems to be speaking to me and my experience as a small child leaving India. He says first, “Fear no one.” And I certainly learned to live without fear of anyone because while others can deprive me of everything material, they can never touch the God who holds me tightly in his tender hands. Jesus seems to reiterate this point by adding: “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.” In other words, the physical, material world, which includes our own bodies, can be killed or lost. But that is not the ultimate loss because your soul is still in God’s hands.

And the second point Jesus makes also echoes and resonates with me: “What I say to you in darkness speak in the light; what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops.” I feel like I do that as a priest. God whispered to my seven-year-old heart in the darkness of leaving India. And now I share that profound experience in the light of the Eucharistic Lord at Mass, and proclaim and preach it from the rooftops of pulpits.

My friends, do you live in fear of loss? I think we all do, if we are honest. Perhaps you fear losing your job because of company cutbacks. Or, maybe you worry something will happen to your car, or house, or your possessions. Maybe you fear bodily illness and disease, or even death. Maybe it is the loss of your parents, or children, or friends that paralyzes you. Or you may lose your hair or your dog (which would be the worst loss of all).

All these fears are healthy and normal emotions, like what I felt when I left India and thought I had lost everything. And the simple fact is that we will eventually lose all these things. But that is only half the story. The good news is that what wins over fear and loss is faith and love: our childlike faith in God, and his endless love for us. That little lesson I learned as a seven-year-old is one that we will all learn sooner or later. I recommend sooner.

Ten years ago Bishop Taylor gave me a brief sabbatical of three months to live with the Carmelite friars in Dallas. The Carmelites understand perhaps better than anyone that deep Christian irony that only in losing everything will we finally find God. St. John of the Cross, one of the greatest Carmelite mystics, captured this truth writing:

“In order to arrive at having pleasure in everything, desire to have pleasure in nothing. In order to arrive at possessing everything, desire to possess nothing. In order to arrive at being everything, desire to be nothing. In order to arrive at knowing everything, desire to know nothing.” I obviously did not become a Carmelite friar, but I was glad to tunnel a little deeper into that goldmine of grace I discovered when I was seven. When we desire to lose all, we finally gain God.

My friends, I know this is a sober and somber sermon for a Sunday in the middle of summer. We are all trying to take a vacation, and be on the beach or climb a mountain. Give us a break, Fr. John! But like Wesley said to Princess Buttercup in the movie “The Princess Bride,” “Life is pain, your Highness. Anyone who tells you different is trying to sell something.” I am not trying to sell you anything, but only sharing the Good News of Jesus Christ, which will help your faith overcome your fear, and help you to find the peace in the midst of your pain.

Praised be Jesus Christ!