My Theologian Mother

Learning our faith from our parents

07/19/2022

MT 12:46-50 While Jesus was speaking to the crowds, his mother and his brothers appeared outside, wishing to speak with him. Someone told him, “Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, asking to speak with you.” But he said in reply to the one who told him, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my heavenly Father is my brother, and sister, and mother.”

We all learn our faith from our parents as little children. But in my case, my parents continue to teach me about the Catholic faith even after I am an adult and even an ordained Catholic priest. For example, my mom has taught me better than trained theologians and Bible scholars the meaning of the gospel today from Mt 12:46-50. Jesus is teaching the crowds in a synagogue, and someone says that his mother and brothers would like a word with him. But Jesus explains that his true family is not his earthly family of flesh and blood but his heavenly family, those united by the bond of doing the Father’s will.

How did my mom teach me the meaning of this passage? Now that my parents live in Springdale, I am able to see them a little more often. They are only an hour’s drive away. But sometimes I cannot stay very long because of a commitment here at the parish. My mom always says: “Don’t worry about us. We understand that you are a priest. Go back and take care of your parishioners. That is your priority.”

Most parents make their children feel guilty about not coming to see them more often. My parents make me feel guilty about not putting my heavenly family first and my earthly family second. And that is the meaning of Mt 12:46-50: prioritizing our heavenly family – our brothers and sisters in Christ – over our earthly family. Thank you, mom, the best theologian in our family!

I also need to address a common confusion surrounding this passage that often pits Protestants against Catholics. Do you know what that bone of contention is? It is the phrase “Jesus’ brothers”. Why is that phrase so controversial? Well, our Protestant brothers and sisters take that phrase to mean that the Blessed Virgin Mary had other natural children, besides Jesus. That is, Jesus is her “firstborn son”, which implies that there was a second born and a third born, and so forth.

Catholics, on the other hand, want to defend the perpetual virginity of Mary and so insist that phrase “brothers of Jesus” really refers to Jesus’ “cousins” – you said “brother” when you meant “cousin” in Jesus’ day. Or, perhaps they were children that St. Joseph had from a previous marriage and so he was a widower when he married Mary. In that case, the brothers of Jesus would be his “step-brothers”. Can you see how this could be confusing to the ordinary Christian?

Whenever I try to untie these tight theological knots, I always ask not only what do people argue in a debate, but why are they arguing for that side of the debate? In other words, why do the Protestants want to show Mary had other children and why do Catholics want to protect her perpetual virginity? I think the underlying interest of Protestants in showing Mary had other children besides Jesus is to show she was an ordinary, normal woman that needed to be saved. And nothing shows someone’s normalcy than sexual intimacy. Normal people get married, have sexual relations, and bear children. Hence, the literal “brothers of Jesus”. See, our Protestant friends would argue, Mary is ordinary.

Catholics, by contrast, want to show that Mary is not normal or ordinary, but rather exception and extraordinary. And how are we going to prove that? Well, that is why we argue that Mary married St. Joseph, but never engaged in marital relations with him but remained a perpetual virgin. And how can we demonstrate that Mary never had relations with Joseph?

We have to argue that “the brothers of Jesus” must mean his cousins or step-brothers from Joseph’s previous marriage. Nothing shows that someone is superhuman than their ability to control their sexual appetites. Mary, too, needed to be saved, but that occurred at her Immaculate Conception. The more our culture becomes a sex-soaked society, the stronger both the Protestant and Catholic arguments become.

Soon after my parents moved into their new home in Springdale, they put a garden statue of Mother Mary in their front yard. Whenever I drive up to their house, I think: “Wow, that blue and white statue really sticks out in their neighborhood! I wonder what the neighbors think?” In her own humble way, my mom was answering the debate about Mary’s perpetual virginity.

In my mom’s eyes, Mary is not normal; she is exceptional and extraordinary, and she is like no woman on earth who has ever lived. That is why there is a statue of my Mary in my mom’s front yard: not because Mary had other natural children besides, but because we are all Mary’s supernatural children by faith. My mom is the smartest theologian I know.

Praised be Jesus Christ!