Ask the Experts

Understanding God’s plan for marriage

10/03/2021

Mk 10:2-16 The Pharisees approached Jesus and asked, "Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?" They were testing him. He said to them in reply, "What did Moses command you?" They replied, "Moses permitted a husband to write a bill of divorce and dismiss her." But Jesus told them, "Because of the hardness of your hearts he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate." In the house the disciples again questioned Jesus about this. He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery." And people were bringing children to him that he might touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this he became indignant and said to them, "Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it." Then he embraced them and blessed them, placing his hands on them.

Parishioners often ask me to address marriage and family life in my homilies. So, I decided to ask the experts about the meaning of marriage. Here is the sage advice of the rich and famous on marriage, who are clearly the experts on marriage, since they have so much experience. Erma Bombeck wrote: “People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.” Ann Bancroft advised: “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” Ann knows how to motivate men.

The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates opined: “By all means marry; if you get a good wife or husband, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” (Like Socrates.) Comedian Bonnie McFarlane quipped: “I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, ‘Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!’” And the famous Zsa Zsa Gabor stated wisely: “A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.” Poor Zsa Zsa was married nine times. Folks, there you have the advice of the foremost experts in the field of love and marriage.

In the gospel today, the Pharisees also seek some expert advice about marriage and divorce and they ask the Expert on Everything, namely, Jesus. The Pharisees ask: “Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?" And they add that Moses permitted divorce, because who could be more an expert on God’s plan for marriage than Moses? But Jesus disagrees with Moses, saying instead: “Because of the hardness of your hearts [Moses] wrote you this commandment.”

And then our Lord quotes from Gn 2:24, God’s original plan for marriage, saying: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate." In other words, this is not Zsa Zsa Gabor’s advice, this is God Almighty’s advice about the meaning of marriage, and marriage means until death do you part.

Then Jesus summons some unexpected experts on marriage, namely, children. By the way, the second section of today’s gospel – where Jesus blesses the little children – seems somewhat unrelated or disconnected to the foregoing section on marriage. That is why it is an optional part that we can skip today. But for once in my life I did the longer reading! Why? Well, I am convinced that this second section is not unrelated but rather closely connected to the previous part about marriage. How so?

Well, who are the real experts on marriage? I would submit to you, it is the children, who intuitively grasp God’s plan for marriage in Genesis, namely, it is life-long, until death do you part. In other words, small children understand marriage better than Moses, because children do not want to see their parents divorce. Hence, Jesus states: “Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a child (who see things like life-long marriage) will not enter it.” If you want to ask the experts about marriage and divorce, ask your children.

My friends, I am convinced that the meaning of marriage is in deep crisis in our country. Here are six surprising statistics about the slow untying of the sacred knot of marriage. First, there are over 750,000 divorces granted in the United States every year. Second, the United States leads the world in the highest number of divorces, at roughly 50% of all marriages ending in divorce.

Third, even though recent statistics show a decrease in divorces, that is also due to the fact that more people choose to cohabitate rather than marry. That is, when cohabitating couples separate there is no divorce divorce, so it seems like fewer divorces. Fourth, the average length of marriage in the U.S. is 8.2 years. So if you celebrated your 10th wedding anniversary – congratulations, you beat the odds! Fifth, what is the main motive for divorce in the United States? 43% of people surveyed said “basic incompatibility,” but infidelity and money issues were also big factors.

Folks, I know this is a touchy topic and has caused a lot of heartache for many families sitting in the pews today. Catholics marry and divorce at the same rate as the rest of the population. I do not mean to come across flippant or insensitive or make you feel guilty, and I apologize if that is how I sound. But I believe that part of the problem is where we turn for advice about the meaning of marriage. That is, who are the experts we ask? A sixth surprising stat was people are 75% more likely to end their marriage if a friend is divorced. The Pharisees asked their friend Moses for advice, but he was mistaken about marriage, too.

Instead, I suggest we seek counsel from the Scriptures, from Church teaching, and especially from small children. Why? Because when it comes to marriage, we should ask the real experts, not those with the most experience.

Praised be Jesus Christ!