Aquinas' Advice

Learning the art of gift-giving from Aquinas

01/05/2020

Matthew 2:1-12 When Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea, in the days of King Herod, behold, magi from the east arrived in Jerusalem, saying, “Where is the newborn king of the Jews? We saw his star at its rising and have come to do him homage.” After their audience with the king they set out. And behold, the star that they had seen at its rising preceded them, until it came and stopped over the place where the child was. They were overjoyed at seeing the star, and on entering the house they saw the child with Mary his mother. They prostrated themselves and did him homage. Then they opened their treasures and offered him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. And having been warned in a dream not to return to Herod, they departed for their country by another way.

Over 800 years ago, the great medieval theologian, St. Thomas Aquinas taught the most rudimentary rule of all gift-giving. He wrote in his timeless Summa Theologica, “Quidquid recipitur ad modum recipientis recipitur,” which, as all you Latin scholars know, means “a gift is given in the mode of the recipient.” When you give a gift, you should think of what the recipient would like to receive, not what you would like to give, or what you want to get rid of. For example, I did not receive on necktie from anyone this Christmas. Congratulations: you have studied your Aquinas very well.

Listen to this little joke and see if the man has also been a good student of Aquinas. While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife, Ann, listened to the instructor declare: “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He then addressed the men: “Can you name and describe your wife’s favorite flower?” Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered, “Gold Medal All-Purpose, isn’t it?” And thus began Frank’s life of celibacy. But notice the critical mistake Frank made: he was thinking more about his hunger – what cake his wife might bake – rather than his wife’s heart – whether she prefers carnations or chrysanthemums, jonquils or geraniums. A gift is given in the mode of the recipient.

In the gospel today, Matthew records the episode of the visit of the three Magi. And on the surface, it seems that the Magi have also failed to study Thomas Aquinas, because what are the gifts they give to the Baby Jesus? They proudly present him with gold, frankincense and myrrh. Mary and Joseph probably thought, “With all due respect, your highnesses, we really could use some more diapers, formula and a nice teething ring instead.” Gold, frankincense and myrrh seemed like the spiritual equivalent of giving a priest a necktie for Christmas.

But Billy Graham, the great evangelical preacher, helped me understand that these presents were just perfect for the Holy Family at that time. Graham explained: “When the wise men found Jesus, their gifts to Him must have almost overwhelmed Mary and Joseph (because they were so poor and wouldn’t have expected such lavish gifts).” He continued by asking: “What did they do with them? The Bible doesn’t say – but immediately after the wise men leave, King Herod became filled with jealousy and fear. As a result, King Herod ordered every small child in Bethlehem to be killed. God protected Jesus, warning Joseph in a dream to flee to Egypt that very night.” Then Graham draws this conclusion: “Without the wise men’s gifts, they would not have been able to survive in safety.” In other words, gold, frankincense and myrrh, were the ideal gifts the Holy Family needed to survive in Egypt, where they would have been precious commodities. They sold them for plenty of diapers, formula and teething rings. A gift is given in the mode of the recipient.

My friends, do you realize that gift-giving occurs all year long, and not only at Christmas? In a sense, we give gifts to one another and to God every day: the gift of our words or of our silence, the gifts of our actions or our stillness, the gift of our time which is so scarce these days, and especially the gift of our undivided attention. How hard it is to get someone’s full and focused attention these days. Some of you are probably making your grocery list in your minds now; don’t forget the Gold-Medal All Purpose flour.

I approach homily preparation in this spirit of gift-giving. How so? Well, I try to see every homily as a gift I try to prepare for you, keeping Aquinas in mind: “a gift is given in the mode of the recipient.” That is, I try to make the homily engaging, and educational, and yes, even entertaining with a joke or two. And by the way, we are blessed to have priests and deacons here at I.C. who give exceptional homilies. On the other hand, when Catholics do not receive the gift of a good homily, what do they do? Some stop coming to Mass and start attending other churches. Protestant pastors know Thomas Aquinas better than Catholic priests do.

This rule of gift-giving is also the key to unlocking the door to a happy marriage. Spouses find satisfaction in their marriage when both husband and wife take time to give “gifts in the mode of the recipient.” In other words, Frank knows that Ann’s favorite flower is not “Gold-Medal All Purpose” but rather Amaryllises. And Ann, for her part, knows what touches Frank’s heart – sports, hunting or Fr. John’s bible study – and she works hard to give that to him as a gift. But sadly, struggling spouses forget this fundamental rule of gift-giving, and sometimes they forget gift-giving all together. And what happens? They start to search for someone else who is a better gift-giver, someone who has studied his or her St. Thomas Aquinas.

In the final analysis, we eventually discover that everything we have is a gift from God: our next breath, every beat of our heart, each blink of our eyes. If we have received everything from God as a gift, then what can possibly we give him in return? Well, we cannot give him anything material because then we would be guilty of re-gifting. There is only one thing God wants because there is only one thing God does not have, namely, our love. Today and every day, give God the gift of your love. Why? Well, because Aquinas taught over 800 years ago: a gift is given in the mode of the recipient.

Praised be Jesus Christ!