First Paradigm

Seeing our human family of origin rooted in God’s Family

08/18/2018

Matthew 19:13-15 Children were brought to Jesus that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked them, but Jesus said, "Let the children come to me, and do not prevent them; for the Kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." After he placed his hands on them, he went away.

The family we come from determines to a significant extend the struggles and success we will face in life. This is called one’s family of origin. For example, a well-trained school teacher can tell in ten minutes what kind of a family a certain student comes from based on their behavior in class. A student’s academic performance closely correlates to his or her parents’ involvement and encouragement, their home life. As I drive around Fort Smith and see people holding signs saying they will work for food or accept any charity, I wonder why I did not end up on a street corner but rather the pastor of the greatest parish in the world? It doesn’t take me long to realize I was very blessed in my family of origin: the love that surrounded me at home with my parents and siblings. You may have your personal opinions about the politics of the separation of children from parents at the southern U.S. border, but I can’t help but wonder what traumas take place when a child’s family of origin is torn apart. In other words, how a person perceives the world, and their place in that world, is shaped significantly by values taught in their family of origin. Our parents provide our first paradigm, our world-view, and in a sense, we never stop operating out of it.

Today’s gospel pericope shows Jesus scolding the disciples for preventing the little children from coming to Christ. Our Lord loves the little children, he embraces them, and he blesses them. But if we step back from these verses and glance at chapter 19 as a whole, we see Matthew touching the topic of the family of origin. There are three sections of the chapter: the first on marriage and divorce, the second (today’s gospel) on children coming to Christ, and the third part on the rich young man. The particular problem for the rich young man is not his wealth, but that he came from a family of origin that taught him money was everything, so he couldn’t relinquish it to follow Jesus. It was due to his family of origin that he went away sad.

Today’s gospel holds a warning to all ministers of grace not to prevent children from knowing and loving Christ. I am disheartened and dismayed by the recent revelations of child sexual abuse by Catholic clergy in Pennsylvania that’s all over the news. Modern day disciples are preventing children from coming closer to Christ in the most reprehensible ways, and thereby shattering there spiritual family of origin, the Church. St. Matthew states in the strongest possible terms in chapter 19 that our family of origin provides our first paradigm telling us what life is all about, and it is a paradigm that perdures.

If you want to learn more about the remarkable role of our family of origin in our lives, I highly recommend Pope Francis’ document called “Amoris laetitia” or “Joy of Love.” The pope is not only pastorally astute, he is also psychologically insightful. He argues how attacks on the family of origin have ripple effects reaching far and wide: damaging marriages, impairing infants’ development, distracting young people’s discernment of a vocation, and even tugging at the social fabric, all the way to the hem of history.

But perhaps the most compelling reason to protect the family of origin rests in its relation to the Family of God, the Holy Trinity. When we weaken our family of origin, we cut our ties to where all family life originates, namely, in the triune Family of Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The Holy Father explains: [A] couples’ fruitful relationship becomes an image of understanding and describing the mystery of God himself, for in the Christian vision of the Trinity, God is contemplated as Father, Son and Spirit of love. The triune God is a communion of love, and the family is its living reflection” (Amoris laetitia, 11). In other words, if you damage the family of origin, you derail our most direct way to know and love God, and experience his love for us.

Today, ask God, the origin of all family life, to heal all hurts in your own family of origin. Sadly, those wounds are many and multiform. May God’s grace restore to resplendent beauty our first paradigm, so that we may find our home in heaven, and sit at the table of the Trinity, our last paradigm.

Praised be Jesus Christ!