One Size

Raising children and Christians according to their individual needs

02/08/2018

Mark 7:24-30 Jesus went to the district of Tyre. He entered a house and wanted no one to know about it, but he could not escape notice. Soon a woman whose daughter had an unclean spirit heard about him. She came and fell at his feet. The woman was a Greek, a Syrophoenician by birth, and she begged him to drive the demon out of her daughter. He said to her, “Let the children be fed first. For it is not right to take the food of the children and throw it to the dogs.” She replied and said to him, “Lord, even the dogs under the table eat the children’s scraps.” Then he said to her, “For saying this, you may go. The demon has gone out of your daughter.” When the woman went home, she found the child lying in bed and the demon gone.

All parents love to talk about their children. As I listen to their stories, invariably parents observe – sometimes to their own surprise – that each child requires a different approach and attitude on the part of the parents in terms of child-rearing. In raising children, one size does not fit all. For instance, my brother and sister gave my parents a lot of grief while were growing up, but I was a perfect angel. Therefore, our parents had to be a lot tougher on them than on me. Experienced coaches often say the same thing: different players respond to different coaching techniques, one size does not fit all of them. One player you must coddle and compliment, while another you should criticize and correct. In this way, both types of players will reach their full potential as athletes. Business leaders share a similar struggle with their employees. They deal with Baby Boomers differently than they deal with Generation Xer’s and still differently than they work with Millennials. Lord help us when the Centennials become part of the workforce; we may have to force them to work! Anyone who mentors another human being, regardless of the field, knows well that one size does not fill all persons.

This need for different approaches to different disciples can shed some light on the interaction between Jesus and Greek, Syrophoenician woman in the gospel of Mark. She asks, like so many other people had also pleaded, for her daughter to be healed. But Jesus rather rudely replies: “For it is not right to take the food of the children and throw it to the dogs.” Now, if you or I had heard that rebuff, we would have felt highly offended and stormed off. But how did this humble woman reply? She said softly: “Lord, even the dogs under the table eat the children’s scraps.” Jesus was very pleased with her reaction and immediately heals her daughter. Jesus, like any good parent or coach, knows that one size does not fill all people, and therefore the easy, familiar attitude he adopts with the Jews will have to change when he deals with the Gentiles. In all such cases, however, our Lord wants each person to reach their full potential in faith. Jesus is mentoring his disciples to grow in faith.

Have you ever felt that God was dealing with you differently than he treats other people? When we become sick, or go through a divorce, or lose a job, we are tempted to compare our lives with other people’s lives and feel a deep sense of injustice. Why should others have a happy marriage and not me? Why did his stocks soar so high while the bottom fell out of mine? Why do their children still go to church while my children do not even believe in God? Why did I get cancer even though I exercise and eat right, while my neighbor smokes and drinks and never gets sick? There are hundreds of other similar situations. From the point of view of the children there is clearly a different approach and treatment that looks very unfair. But from the point of view of the parents, there is a profound awareness that one size does not fit each child’s needs and circumstances. And what is also obvious to the parents is that a different approach in mentoring does not mean there is any lack of love. Indeed, perhaps parents love more tenderly the children they have to be the toughest on.

Maybe God gave us children not only so we could raise them right. But maybe he also intended for us to see how God raises us as his children. We raise our children so they will reach their full potential in life. God raises us so we will reach our full potential in faith, that is, so we reach our full potential in the next life.

Praised be Jesus Christ!