Marrying a Stranger

 Learning honest holiness from Peter and Paul

06/29/2021

Mt 16:13-19 When Jesus went into the region of Caesarea Philippi he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” They replied, “Some say John the Baptist, others Elijah, still others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Simon Peter said in reply, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” Jesus said to him in reply, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah. For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my heavenly Father. And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my Church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys to the Kingdom of heaven. Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”

I used to think that happily married couples would never fight. I believed that healthy marriages consisted of two people who smiled all the time, held hands, said only sweet things, and kissed all day. Only an unmarried priest would think like that. I saw the first episode of the T.V. series “The Marvelous Mrs. Mazel,” where she went to bed with all her make-up on, lipstick, and her hair looking perfect. Before her husband woke up, she re-did all her make-up, lipstick, and hair. So, he thought that is how she always looked; he never saw his real wife.

When couples come to get married in the Church, they take a personality test called FOCCUS. It is a series of true or false statements about their preferences and personalities. I try to tell them there are no “right or wrong” answers, but there are only “honest and dishonest” answers. Try to be honest even if the other person may not like it. In other words, take the risk of telling the other person how you really feel. Why?

Well, because the worst thing that could happen on your wedding day is that you marry a stranger, someone you do not really know. On the other hand, if you are really honest, you will be blessed to marry someone who knows the real you – warts and weaknesses and all – and still wants to spend their life with you. Sadly, Mr. Mazel had married a stranger, someone he really did not know.

Today we celebrate the great solemnity of Sts. Peter and Paul, the two great pillars of the Church. They are indeed paragons of virtue, apostolic zeal, and heroic sacrifice, both dying as martyrs in Rome. Every year on June 29th, the pope blessed and bestows palliums – the woolen cloth worn around an archbishop’s shoulder – on the new archbishops the pope appointed in the past year. Archbishops are called to imitate the life and love of St. Peter and St. Paul.

But we should not think Sts. Peter and Paul were perfect in some superficial sense, like Mr. Mazel thought his wife was perfect because her make-up and lipstick and hair were never out of place. We should not think that Peter and Paul never fought like all healthy married couples do in fact fight. In other words, they were not strangers to each other; they were honest and even disagreed with each other.

If I had chosen the scripture readings for today’s Mass – thank God I did not – I would have included Galatians 2:11, where Paul takes umbrage with Peter. We read: “And when Cephas (another name for Peter) came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face because he clearly was wrong.” How is that for honesty in a relationship? And Peter does not pull any punches when he talked about Paul. In 2 Peter 3:16, he jabs: “In [Paul’s] letters there are some thing hard to understand.” That is the understatement of the century.

Peter and Paul, therefore, were not some ideal apostolic duo that never disagreed or argued or even fought, walking around Rome smiling, holding hands and bestowing their apostolic blessings. Rather, it is precisely their honesty that was the cornerstone of their holiness. They were not strangers to each other, they loved each other honestly, and that is how they built up the Church.

Maybe the example of Sts. Peter and Paul will help us not to be scandalized by the behavior of our bishops recently. They hotly debated an upcoming document on the Eucharist and who should receive Holy Communion. We may naively think – like I used to think about married couples – that all bishops should always be in perfect agreement and hold hands and sing “kumbaya” at their meetings.

But that would be a superficial and false unity, like how Mr. Mazel looked at the Marvelous Mrs. Mazel. Rather, we should pray each bishop has the courage and conviction to express his conscience in the general assembly. Let us pray they are honest like Peter and Paul who sometimes took of their gloves and took it outside. Only with that kind of honest holiness can the Holy Spirit keep the Church on course.

The worst thing that can happen on your wedding day is you marry a stranger. And the worst thing that can happen to Christians is we remain strangers to each other and to Christ.

Praised be Jesus Christ!