Hard of Hearing

Learning to love well by first learning to listen well

11/04/2018

Mark 12:28B-34 One of the scribes came to Jesus and asked him, "Which is the first of all the commandments?" Jesus replied, "The first is this: Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is Lord alone! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these." The scribe said to him, "Well said, teacher. You are right in saying, 'He is One and there is no other than he.' And 'to love him with all your heart, with all your understanding, with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself' is worth more than all burnt offerings and sacrifices." And when Jesus saw that he answered with understanding, he said to him, "You are not far from the kingdom of God." And no one dared to ask him any more questions."

Today’s Scriptures speak eloquently and expansively about the love of God. You probably know that at every Mass the Old Testament reading and the Gospel reading always suggest a similar theme and this Sunday it is the love of God. But notice how Jesus expands love of God to encompass also the love of neighbor, and thereby constitutes the fundamental, two-fold command of love. You cannot really love God while ignoring your neighbor, and genuine love of neighbor will lead you eventually to love of God. These two commandments are intimately and inextricably intertwined, like C. S. Lewis startling said: “Sex is more than four bare legs in a bed” (God in the Dock, 320). That is, spousal love always bespeaks a sort of sacred love: love of God and love of neighbor go together.

May I suggest that a link between these two loves – love of God and love of neighbor – is the art of listening or hearing? In twenty-three years as a priest, I have prepared countless couples for marriage, and counseled couples in troubled marriages, and worked on annulments for couples who called it quits in marriage. In virtually every case, there was a break-down in hearing the other person.

Let me illustrate how valuable hearing is with a little humor. Every night Harry went out drinking. And every night, his wife Louise yelled at him. One day, one of Louise’s friends suggested that she try a different tack. She said, “Welcome Harry home with a kiss and some loving words. He might change his ways.” So, later that night, Harry stumbled back home as usual. But instead of berating him, Louise helped him into an easy chair, put his feet up on the ottoman, removed his shoes, and gently massaged his neck. Louise whispered, “It’s late. I think we should go upstairs to bed now, don’t you think?” “Might as well,” Harry replied, “I’ll get in trouble if I go home.” You know, if I had met a woman like that I might have gotten married instead of become a priest. Harry’s handicap was a hardness of hearing. Because he had stopped listening to Louise, he had stopped loving Louise, but once he started listening again, he started loving again. You cannot love someone you will not listen to, and that hardness of hearing maybe directed to your mate, or it may be aimed at your Maker.

In the gospel of Mark, a scribe asks Jesus, “Which is the first of all the commandments?” But before Jesus teaches the double commandment of love of God and love of neighbor, he says, “Shema Yisrael!” which is Hebrew and means, “Hear, O Israel!” That is the most famous dictum in all Judaism. It was said twice a day at morning and evening prayers, and it was repeated like a mantra by pious Jews as they fell asleep at night. Jesus emphasizes listening before loving. Before you can love God “with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength,” you must hear him and listen attentively. Otherwise, his words of wisdom will go in one ear and out the other, like Louise’s words when she berated Harry for his drinking. The reason the Old Testament prophets predicted disasters to befall Israel was not only because of their hard hearts but primarily because of their closed ears. Hence, the Jews ceaselessly repeated, “Shema Yisrael!” “Hear, O Israel!”

May I offer us all a few tips on how to soften our hardness of hearing and hardness of heart so we can listen a little better, and thereby love God and neighbor? First of all, when you pray, seek a space where there is silence and solitude. Jesus regularly woke up early and went off alone to pray to his Father, sometimes spending the entire night in prayer, as it says in Luke 6:12. Jesus could hear his Father in the silence. I write my daily Mass homilies at 4:30 in the morning. Why? I can hear the Holy Spirit better when I cannot hear my phone or computer or television. Silence and solitude helps us to hear so that we may listen and then we can love God better.

Secondly, I encourage spouses to take time to regularly to remove distractions and listen lovingly to each other. Children are a priority in a family, of course, and demand time and energy and love. How easily parents give their full attention to their children and listen attentively to their pains and problems, their triumphs and tragedies, no matter how small they may seem. But also save some of that hearing and listening when your spouse speaks. Otherwise, hardness of hearing may lead to hardness of heart, and you may be coming to see me for marriage counseling. Couples who do not hear and listen well may wake up one day to find their love is reduced to “four bare legs in a bed.”

Thirdly, learn to listen and hear the cry of the poor. Psalm 34 teaches us that “the Lord hears the cry of the poor.” God’s ears perk up when the poor pray to him. And the “Hound of Heaven” as the poet Francis Thompson described God, goes in hot pursuit. I am very proud of Deacon Greg and the St. Anne Society that not only give the poor in our community a hand, but they also give them an ear; they hear their stories, they heard about their families, and they hear about their hopes and dreams.  And what happens?  The poor feel loved as person, rather than patronized as second-class citizens. If we can learn to hear with God’s ears, we will be able to love with God’s heart.

We cannot really love someone we will not listen to. The first step in curing hardness of heart, therefore, is addressing hardness of hearing.  Shema, Yisrael! Hear, O Israel!

Praised be Jesus Christ!