But For Grace

Avoiding the sin of comparing ourselves to others 

 

Luke 18:9-14  

Jesus addressed this parable to those who were convinced of their own righteousness and despised everyone else.  “Two people went up to the temple area to pray; one was a Pharisee and the other was a tax collector.  The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this prayer to himself, ‘O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity -- greedy, dishonest, adulterous -- or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income.’ But the tax collector stood off at a distance and would not even raise his eyes to heaven but beat his breast and prayed, ‘O God, be merciful to me a sinner.’ I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former; for whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”   

          I believe one of the biggest obstacles to spiritual growth is the temptation to compare ourselves with others. Something sinister lies at the root of feeling good when we’re better than others, and feeling slighted because others surpass us. I am convinced that such comparing and contrasting signals real spiritual smallness. This begins in childhood with “sibling rivalry.” Brothers and sisters vie with each other to be smartest, or fastest, or prettiest. This happens to young people who feel pressure to marry by a certain age because their peers are all married. Socially, we try to keep up with the Joneses – which really means we’re trying to be better than the Joneses. In business, we compete with our colleagues for the corner office. Then, when we have children, we compare them to their classmates, their teammates, and believe they’re better. Our children learn this spiritual smallness from us and taunt their friends, saying, “My dad can beat up your dad!”?

          One day a salesman was walking along a beach and found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared. “I will grant you three wishes,” announced the genie. “But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well, only double.” The salesman thought a moment and said, “For my first wish, I would like 10 million dollars.” Instantly, the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured him $10 million had been deposited. “But,” the genie added, “your rival has just received $20 million.” The salesman went on, “I’ve always wanted a Ferrari,” and instantly a Ferrari appeared. The genie said, “But your rival has just received two Ferraris. And what is your last wish?” The salesman thought a moment longer and answered: “I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant.” That’s one way to stop comparing: kill the competition.   

          In the gospel today, Jesus tells a parable in which he highlights the dangers of comparing, especially when it comes to spiritual matters. In an ironic twist, Jesus actually compares a Pharisee and a tax-collector precisely to point out how pernicious comparisons are! Both the Pharisee and the tax-collector enter the Temple to stand before God and be judged. The Pharisee mistakenly believes that because his behavior is not outwardly as sinful as others, he is in good spiritual shape; he can stand tall. His whole understanding of the spiritual life depended on comparing himself with others. He failed to see how spiritually small-minded this made him. The tax-collector, by contrast, avoids that one sinister sin of comparing himself to others, and humbly confesses he is a sinner, plain and simple. It was none of his business what others did or did not do; their behavior added nothing to his goodness, nor did their behavior detract from it. If you were an angel in the Temple that day, looking down on that scene, you would have seen the tax-collector as a spiritual giant and the Pharisee as a spiritual pygmy (no offense to real pygmies).   

          My friends, may I suggest three ways you can avoid this sin of comparison and spiritual smallness? First of all, don’t compare your crosses to other people’s crosses. I often hear people say – and they mean it innocently enough – that however bad things may be for them, someone somewhere else must be suffering more. I’m sure that gives them a little respite and relief from their struggle to think that. But the fact of the matter is your cross was fashioned with infinite love just for you, and for no one else. Each person’s cross is radically unique and can be carried only once. You cannot carry anyone else’s cross (no matter how heavy or light their cross may seem), and no one else can carry yours. In the Christian life, there is no swapping crosses.   

          Secondly, don’t be jealous or envious when others succeed and prosper while you are left behind. And this can even happen in the priesthood. Some priests think: “Why did he become a bishop and not me??” Or “Why do the people like the deacon’s homilies better than mine??” I visit our school children at Immaculate Conception School sometimes.  Invariably, some small child will wave at me and yell, “Hello, Fr. Pius!” I smile and wave back, and think to myself: “John, don’t be spiritually small-minded; let it go. Don’t yell back, ‘Hey, punk, I’m not Fr. Pius!’”  

 

          And thirdly, regularly repeat this spiritual mantra to yourself: “There, but for the grace of God, go I.” I learned that from Bishop McDonald many years ago, who said that line frequently himself. When you see someone who is poor and destitute, someone who’s a drug addict, someone on death row, don’t feel too superior to them; simply say in your mind: “There, but for the grace of God, go I.” In other words, the only difference between the poor man and you is God’s grace. That mantra cuts to the quick any tendency to compare. Why? Well, because you see: all we have, and all we do, and all we are, and all we will ever become, is thanks to the grace of God at work in us. How silly and small to brag about such blessings.   

          Let me conclude with a very precarious political question – I’m about to mix religion and politics! Aren’t you sick and tired of all the pettiness in this election, the bickering and the buffoonery, the constant criticism and conflicts, the insults and the incriminations? Wouldn’t it be great if the candidates acted with more civility and courtesy?  Is that too much to ask??  But when you’re tempted to criticize the candidates (and simultaneously start to feel a little superior), remember Bishop McDonald’s mantra: “There (in Donald and Hillary), but for the grace of God, go I.” If you can’t say that sincerely, and really mean it, then you do not know them, and you do not know yourself, and you do not know God’s grace.   

          Praised be Jesus Christ!