Holy Hotheads

Learning the skills of disagreement and debate  

Galatians 2:1-2, 7-14  Brothers and sisters: After fourteen years I again went up to Jerusalem with Barnabas, taking Titus along also. And when Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face because he clearly was wrong. For, until some people came from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles; but when they came, he began to draw back and separated himself, because he was afraid of the circumcised. And the rest of the Jews acted hypocritically along with him, with the result that even Barnabas was carried away by their hypocrisy. But when I saw that they were not on the right road in line with the truth of the Gospel, I said to Cephas in front of all, “If you, though a Jew, are living like a Gentile and not like a Jew, how can you compel the Gentiles to live like Jews?”   

          One of the hardest skills to learn in human relationships is arguing well. Sooner or later in every family or friendship there will be disagreements and disputes and it’s vital for both sides to know how to engage in the controversy. We see a lot of examples of such discussions in this political debate season, and not all of them are very helpful.   

          But did you know the saints also got into controversies and knock-down-drag-out arguments? There’s probably no better example of “holy hotheads” than the correspondence between St. Augustine and St. Jerome back in the 4th century. Augustine started it by criticizing Jerome’s new Latin translation of the Bible. Jerome sarcastically fired back that Augustine should know the value of an authentic translation as “a bishop and teacher of the churches of Christ!” Jerome defended himself further saying, Augustine must not “go on thinking I am a master of lies, for I follow Christ.” Finally, he says, “don’t stir up against me a mob of ignorant people who respect you as a bishop but have little use for a feeble old man like me.”  Wow, these two didn’t hold back. It’s like that that old saying, “no one fights like family.”  

 

          In the first reading from Galatians we see another holy hothead in St. Paul’s controversy with St. Peter. Paul writes with little saintly restraint: “When Cephas (meaning Peter) came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face because he was clearly in the wrong.” He goes on a little later: “But when I saw that they were not on the right road in line with the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas in front of all, ‘If you, though a Jew, are living like a Gentile, and not like a Jew, how can you compel the Gentiles to live like Jews?” By the way, don’t forget that Paul was speaking to Peter, the first pope! I gotta tell you, I really cringe when I hear these conflicts between these two great pillars Peter and Paul, and in the Bible of all places, because it seems nothing could sound less saintly.   

          Nevertheless, I believe there’s something we can learn from these conflicts and controversies between holy hotheads. First, realize that even though “no one fights like family,”  all families do fight. I used to think it was a sign of a weak relationship when people argue and fight, but just the opposite may be true. It’s because I trust you and love you that I can express the depths of my feelings to you. St. Jerome told St. Augustine exactly what he thought because he believed Augustine’s love could handle it. Secondly, when people do not discuss and debate their feelings openly, those strong feelings get buried and start to fester, and come out in other destructive behavior. Some turn to alcohol, others to entertainment, others to sex. And third, don’t be a “holy doormat” when you disagree with someone, and let people walk all over you. You have an opinion and your own ideas and unique inspirations of the Holy Spirit, too. And you have a right to express them. After all, the very first Amendment to the U.S. Constitution is “freedom of speech.” You see, Augustine and Jerome, Paul and Peter each had something to say, and they each had a right to say it.  And so do you.

          I wonder how many marriages fail because couples don’t know how to argue well. After his divorce, the poet John Donne wrote simply: “John Donne, Anne Donne, undone.”  He didn’t say much; maybe he should have said more.  Learn how to argue well: it doesn’t mean your relationship is on the rocks; it may mean it’s built solidly on a rock.   

          Praised be Jesus Christ!