Mutual Admiration Society

Appreciating what is good in another

Matthew 21:28-32

Jesus said to the chief priests and the elders of the people: “What is your opinion?  A man had two sons.  He came to the first and said, ‘Son, go out and work in the vineyard today.’  The son said in reply, ‘I will not,’ but afterwards he changed his mind and went. The man came to the other son and gave the same order.  He said in reply, ‘Yes, sir,’ but did not go.  Which of the two did his father’s will?”  They answered, “The first.”  Jesus said to them, “Amen, I say to you, tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the Kingdom of God before you.  When John came to you in the way of righteousness, you did not believe him; but tax collectors and prostitutes did.  Yet even when you saw that, you did not later change your minds and believe him.”

             I remember when I first heard the phrase, “mutual admiration society.”  I was a newly ordained priest serving with Msgr. Hebert at Christ the King.  One day he said a parishioner had complimented me on a homily, and I immediately complimented that person on something I admired about him.  Msgr. Hebert said, “Well, you both have a little mutual admiration society.”  By the way, you could never quite tell if Hebert was being sincere or sarcastic when he talked to you; it was probably both.  I’ve always liked that phrase ever since.  That phrase comes close to the ancient Greek philosopher, Aristotle’s definition of friendship, as two people who love what is good in the other person. (Nicomachean Ethics, VIII).  But before you can love something good about the other person, you have to see the good in them; you must appreciate that good.  In other words, you have to create a mutual admiration society.  You see, Hebert was teaching me the rudiments of friendship in his simple, sarcastic way.

            In the gospel today, we see what is arguably the greatest friendship in the whole Bible, namely, the friendship between John and Jesus.  It was the greatest friendship because they both had the most good to love in each other.  We know in what glowing terms John spoke about Jesus, saying, “Behold the Lamb of God.  I am not worthy to loosen his sandal straps.  He must increase, and I must decrease.”  Well, today Jesus returns the compliment saying, “When John came to you in the way of righteousness, you did not believe in him; but tax collectors and prostitutes did.”  Hebert would say John and Jesus had a little mutual admiration society.  In other words, each one deeply admired the words and works of the other man.  In Aristotle’s language, they loved what was good in the other person, the beginning and end of all friendship.

             My friends, I am convinced that seeing the good in another person is not only the basis of friendship, it is the bedrock of any relationship.  Why do married people sadly get divorced?  They can no longer see what is good in the other person; they only see the faults and failures.  They are not a mutual admiration society.  On the other hand, newly married couples can only see what is good in the other person; they are blind to the bad.  How did Abraham Lincoln convene a cabinet of his former rivals?  He created a “mutual admiration society.”  Each man could appreciate the talents and tenacity of the other men at the table.  If there is someone you are not getting along with – and there always is! – try to see something good in that person – and there always is! – by creating a little mutual admiration society.  That is the beginning and the end of all relationships.  And I say that in all sincerity and no sarcasm.

Praised be Jesus Christ!