Tough Talks

Caring enough to correct others

Matthew 23:13-15

Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You lock the Kingdom of heaven before men. You do not enter yourselves, nor do you allow entrance to those trying to enter. “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites. You traverse sea and land to make one convert, and when that happens you make him a child of Gehenna twice as much as yourselves.

             One of the toughest conversations you’ll ever have is confronting someone about a problem.  Sooner or later, everyone has to face these tough talks, especially if you’re the leader of an organization.  John Maxwell, the renowned leadership guru, humorously said: “As the CEO of a company, 95% of your decisions can just as easily be made by an intelligent 17 year old.  But you’ll get paid for the other 5%.”  That other 5% involves those conversations that require confronting a problem.  But what do most people do?  They avoid the problem and hope it will magically disappear.  Does it, though?  Hardly ever.  In fact, those problematic people often consume most of our time, talents and energy; we worry and obsess about them.  Sometimes, people are pleased that I remember their name.  I jokingly answer: “Don’t be too impressed: a teacher always learns the names of the trouble-makers first.”  You see, having those tough talks makes us lose sleep at night, and they’re the reason CEO’s get paid the big bucks.

             In the gospel today, Jesus earns his salary as a leader.  He has to confront the scribes and Pharisees.  Matthew 23 lists the famous, “Seven Woes” Jesus leveled against the Jewish leaders.  But notice what Jesus is NOT doing.  He’s not avoiding the tough talk; he cares enough to confront the scribes and Pharisees.  In other words, avoiding the tough talk is a sign of a lack of love, whereas facing a problem squarely shows real love.  I’m sure Jesus knew each of the Pharisees on a first-name basis.   They were the ones keeping Jesus up late at night, praying to his Father.

             Ask yourself today: who are the problematic people in my life?  Who are the trouble-makers whose names I cannot forget, and who make me toss and turn in bed all night?  And then ask yourself: what am I doing about them?  Psychologists tell us most people facing a dilemma do one of two things: fight or flight.  But Jesus shows us another way: care enough to correct.  Don’t delay the tough talk.  Here are 3 things I do before those tough talks.  First, I pray for that other person, and for myself.  I need prayer as much as they do, probably more.  Second, I try to keep emotions out of the conversation, and I try to keep calm.  Emotions only inflame the situation and make it worse.  And third, I ask what can I learn from this other person, too?  I am not the only one who has something to teach the other person; I have something to learn.  When I do these things, those tough talks become a moment of grace and blessing for both of us.

            You know, no one enjoys confronting problems and trouble-makers, but they can be a surprising source of goodness and grace.  And who knows, it may even help you become a CEO one day!

            Praised be Jesus Christ!