Master Motivator

Moving others with patience, love and kindness

08/16/2021

Mt 19:16-22 A young man approached Jesus and said, “Teacher, what good must I do to gain eternal life?” He answered him, “Why do you ask me about the good? There is only One who is good. If you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments.” He asked him, “Which ones?” And Jesus replied, “You shall not kill; you shall not commit adultery; you shall not steal; you shall not bear false witness; honor your father and your mother; and you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” The young man said to him, “All of these I have observed. What do I still lack?” Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” When the young man heard this statement, he went away sad, for he had many possessions.

Sooner or later we all try to motivate people to do something they do not want to do. And it is always a delicate dance. This morning in Fort Smith many parents are begging their children to get out of bed because they have to go to school and cannot keep sleeping in like all summer. Coaches will push players to practice harder and tap all their potential as athletes. Public, private and church leaders are urging people to get vaccinated, but the anti-vaxers are adamantly against it.

I felt many motivations to become a priest, but do you know what was the strongest? It was something my brother said. When I first shared with my family I was going into the seminary, my brother sarcastically said: “Oh, John, after one year in college you will change your mind!” I decided right then I would stick it out in seminary no matter what. Maybe I am a priest today just so I can prove my brother wrong? My brother may not have known it at the time, but he was using something called “reverse psychology” on me. Sometimes the best way to make someone do something is to tell them they cannot do it.

In the gospel today, we see Jesus also trying to motivate a young man, in whom he see the potential for becoming a priest. The young man is clearly searching for something and hungry for more. So he asks, “Teacher, what good must I do to gain eternal life?” And like a master motivator, Jesus leads him incrementally, step by step, to higher levels of perfection.

First he asks him if he can keep the basic commandments. When he answers, “Yes,” our Lord invites him to leave behind what he loves and follow Jesus whole-heartedly and unreservedly. But he can’t because he is rich. Maybe Jesus should have used reverse psychology and told the young man, “Ah, after a year in college you’ll change your mind!” In a sense, the long history of the bible is about God trying to get people to do what they really don’t want to do, that is, trying to get them to heaven.

My friends, nowhere does motivating others get more muddled than in marriage. Even when couples are dating, they are trying to motivate the other to fall in love with them. I recently received a text from a high school student who asked: “I am still a young child and do not know much on how to have a good couple relationship which is why I am pretty nervous. Do you have any advice?” I was humbled he thought a celibate priest could give good dating advice, but I answered: “Be patient and look for a girl who is humble and kind. And I bet she will be looking for you, too.”

Sometimes dating couples begin to see flaws in their partner, which they find off-putting or even offensive. Occasionally, the girl thinks: “I will just love him so much he will give up his bad habits in order to be with me! My love will heal him of all his problems!” Indeed, that is why some women get married: to motivate men to overcome their flaws. If I had a dollar for every time a young girl thought that, I would be richer than the young man in the gospel today.

Folks, do you find yourself in the position of having to push your partner to do something he or she really does not want to do? Well, don’t feel bad: that is exactly how God feels with all of us. Since before we were born – and since the dawn of time – God has been trying to get us to do what we really do not want to do, just like Jesus was trying to motivate that young man in the gospel today.

But in the end, there is only one thing we need to help our spouse to see, and that is heaven. The number one job of married couples is to help their spouse get to heaven. And the best way to do that is by being patient, and humble and kind with them. And if that doesn’t work, maybe use a little reverse psychology and tell them they will never go to heaven.

Praised be Jesus Christ!