Your Expectations

Lowering our expectations to be more realistic

10/27/2020

Luke 13:18-21 Jesus said, “What is the Kingdom of God like? To what can I compare it? It is like a mustard seed that a man took and planted in the garden. When it was fully grown, it became a large bush and the birds of the sky dwelt in its branches.” Again he said, “To what shall I compare the Kingdom of God? It is like yeast that a woman took and mixed in with three measures of wheat flour until the whole batch of dough was leavened.”

Today I am going to tell you the secret to happiness, but it is going to sound really weird. I am convinced that we will live happier lives if we have lower expectations. Most people, however, promote higher expectations – everything is going to be great! – but I think that is a recipe for disaster and disappointment. Rather, I recommend lower expectations – everything is not going to be okay – as the path to peace and contentment.

Let me give you a simple example of what I mean. When have you enjoyed a movie the most? Sometimes people really hype-up a movie and say how great it is. My expectations naturally grow sky-high and I walk into the movie theater with my huge soft drink and bucket of popcorn ready to have my mind blow away. But what often happens? I am very disappointed and leave thinking what a waste of time. On the other hand, when I walk into a movie with low expectations, thinking it will be mediocre and hum-drum, frequently I am pleasantly surprised! In other words, the real secret to watching a great movie does not have so much to do with the movie itself, but with my expectations of the movie. Movies are like life in that respect: the higher our expectations, the higher the chance we will be disappointed, but the lower our expectations the better the likelihood we will be pleasantly surprised.

In the gospel today Jesus tries to lower his apostles’ expectations for what the Kingdom of God would be like. You see, their expectations were sky-high because they believed Jesus would usher in the old Kingdom of David – think of the legend of King Arthur and his court sitting at the famous Round Table. They hoped for mountains of money, an invincible military, and million of subjects ready to obey their smallest command.

So, Jesus says: “What is the kingdom of God like? To what can I compare it? It is like a mustard seed that a man took and planted in the garden. When it was fully grown, it became a large bush and the birds of the sky dwelt in its branches.” In other words, you will be a happier Christian and a truer disciple if you can bring your sky-high expectations for the kingdom back down to earth. The Kingdom of God is not like King Arthur’s court, but more like a little mustard seed. The path to peace and contentment as a follower of Jesus is to lower our expectations.

Let me give you one concrete case where lower expectations will help us to be happier. That is, lower your expectations in picking friends, especially a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Of course it’s good to have high standards for ourselves and our friends. St. Paul writes in 1 Cor. 15:33, “Bad company corrupts good morals.” Nevertheless, know that all friends and even boyfriends and girlfriends are human beings with their faults and failings, warts and weaknesses, just like you and I have our own weakness and failings. But if we expect our friends to be perfect – that they will never hurt us, that they will never say something we find offensive, that they will never ignore us, etc. – then we will inevitably be disappointed, sad and feel betrayed. That’s the downside of high expectations.

I work in the marriage tribunal and deal with cases of annulments. Do you know what an annulment is? An annulment allows a divorced person to marry again in the Catholic Church. They are always hard and heart-wrenching. Recently, I worked on one case where a woman applied for five annulments because she had been married five times and divorced five times. The last question in the annulment questionnaire is, “What have you learned about yourself through this process?” She answered: “I just haven’t found the perfect husband yet.” I wanted to respond to that lady by saying, “Good luck with that.”

In other words, her problem is not in finding the perfect man – there is no such animal, all men are jerks, take it from a representative of that side of the species – the real problem is her sky-high expectations to find the super spouse who will never, ever, ever do anything she does not like or disapproves of. If that poor woman cannot lower her expectations for a future husband back down to earth, I am afraid she will be a regular customer of the marriage tribunal. Of course, I am not saying you have to stay married to a wife-beater, but I am saying you are waiting in vain for King Arthur to come from Camelot and whisk you away on his white horse.

Boys and girls, the secret to a happy life is simple: lower expectations, that is, more realistic expectations of others and yourself. Lower expectations will allow you to enjoy more movies, lower expectations will help you be a better disciple and have more realistic idea of the Kingdom of God, and lower expectations will help you find a holy husband and a wonderful wife. In other words, happiness is not found in something outside of you, but in something inside: your expectations.

Praised be Jesus Christ!