Lowering our expectations to be more realistic
10/27/2020
Luke 13:18-21 Jesus said,
“What is the Kingdom of God like? To what can I compare it? It is like a
mustard seed that a man took and planted in the garden. When it was fully
grown, it became a large bush and the birds of the sky dwelt in its branches.”
Again he said, “To what shall I compare the Kingdom of God? It is like yeast
that a woman took and mixed in with three measures of wheat flour until the
whole batch of dough was leavened.”
Today I am going to tell you the
secret to happiness, but it is going to sound really weird. I am convinced that
we will live happier lives if we have lower expectations. Most people, however,
promote higher expectations – everything is going to be great! – but I think
that is a recipe for disaster and disappointment. Rather, I recommend lower
expectations – everything is not going to be okay – as the path to peace and
contentment.
Let me give you a simple example of
what I mean. When have you enjoyed a movie the most? Sometimes people really
hype-up a movie and say how great it is. My expectations naturally grow
sky-high and I walk into the movie theater with my huge soft drink and bucket
of popcorn ready to have my mind blow away. But what often happens? I am very
disappointed and leave thinking what a waste of time. On the other hand, when I
walk into a movie with low expectations, thinking it will be mediocre and
hum-drum, frequently I am pleasantly surprised! In other words, the real secret
to watching a great movie does not have so much to do with the movie itself,
but with my expectations of the movie. Movies are like life in that respect:
the higher our expectations, the higher the chance we will be disappointed, but
the lower our expectations the better the likelihood we will be pleasantly
surprised.
In the gospel today Jesus tries to
lower his apostles’ expectations for what the Kingdom of God would be like. You
see, their expectations were sky-high because they believed Jesus would usher
in the old Kingdom of David – think of the legend of King Arthur and his court
sitting at the famous Round Table. They hoped for mountains of money, an
invincible military, and million of subjects ready to obey their smallest
command.
So, Jesus says: “What is the
kingdom of God like? To what can I compare it? It is like a mustard seed that a
man took and planted in the garden. When it was fully grown, it became a large
bush and the birds of the sky dwelt in its branches.” In other words, you will
be a happier Christian and a truer disciple if you can bring your sky-high
expectations for the kingdom back down to earth. The Kingdom of God is not like
King Arthur’s court, but more like a little mustard seed. The path to peace and
contentment as a follower of Jesus is to lower our expectations.
Let me give you one concrete case
where lower expectations will help us to be happier. That is, lower your
expectations in picking friends, especially a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Of
course it’s good to have high standards for ourselves and our friends. St. Paul
writes in 1 Cor. 15:33, “Bad company corrupts good morals.” Nevertheless, know
that all friends and even boyfriends and girlfriends are human beings with
their faults and failings, warts and weaknesses, just like you and I have our
own weakness and failings. But if we expect our friends to be perfect – that
they will never hurt us, that they will never say something we find offensive,
that they will never ignore us, etc. – then we will inevitably be disappointed,
sad and feel betrayed. That’s the downside of high expectations.
I work in the marriage tribunal and
deal with cases of annulments. Do you know what an annulment is? An annulment
allows a divorced person to marry again in the Catholic Church. They are always
hard and heart-wrenching. Recently, I worked on one case where a woman applied
for five annulments because she had been married five times and divorced five
times. The last question in the annulment questionnaire is, “What have you
learned about yourself through this process?” She answered: “I just haven’t
found the perfect husband yet.” I wanted to respond to that lady by saying,
“Good luck with that.”
In other words, her problem is not
in finding the perfect man – there is no such animal, all men are jerks, take
it from a representative of that side of the species – the real problem is her
sky-high expectations to find the super spouse who will never, ever, ever do
anything she does not like or disapproves of. If that poor woman cannot lower
her expectations for a future husband back down to earth, I am afraid she will
be a regular customer of the marriage tribunal. Of course, I am not saying you
have to stay married to a wife-beater, but I am saying you are waiting in vain
for King Arthur to come from Camelot and whisk you away on his white horse.
Boys and girls, the secret to a happy
life is simple: lower expectations, that is, more realistic expectations of
others and yourself. Lower expectations will allow you to enjoy more movies,
lower expectations will help you be a better disciple and have more realistic
idea of the Kingdom of God, and lower expectations will help you find a holy
husband and a wonderful wife. In other words, happiness is not found in
something outside of you, but in something inside: your expectations.
Praised be Jesus
Christ!