Parent Trap

Embracing both the joys and the sorrows of Christian parenting

12/31/2017

Luke 2:22-40 When the days were completed for their purification according to the law of Moses, They took him up to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord, Now there was a man in Jerusalem whose name was Simeon. This man was righteous and devout, awaiting the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him. It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he should not see death  before he had seen the Christ of the Lord. He came in the Spirit into the temple; and when the parents brought in the child Jesus to perform the custom of the law in regard to him, He took him into his arms and blessed God, saying: "Now, Master, you may let your servant go in peace, according to your word, for my eyes have seen your salvation, which you prepared in sight of all the peoples, a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and glory for your people Israel." The child's father and mother were amazed at what was said about him; and Simeon blessed them and said to Mary his mother, "Behold, this child is destined  for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be contradicted —and you yourself a sword will pierce— so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed."

            One of the greatest joys of Christianity is being a parent, and one of the greatest agonies of Christianity is being a parent! That is, having children is so joyful we don’t want to live without them, but it can be so challenging that sometimes, we can’t live with them. It’s a sort of Christian “parent trap.” Here are a couple of humorous examples.

  

             A young man never liked to do his homework and always came up with excuses to shirk his work. His father often scolded him for his laziness. One day, the young man said, “If I had a computer, it would be so much easier.” His father replied: “You don’t need a computer, son. When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he studied by candlelight in a log cabin.” But the teenager fired back: “And when he was your age, dad, he was president of the United States.” I’m so glad I don’t have a smart-alek teenage son. The second example describes how parenting evolves with each baby. With the first baby, you spend some time every day just gazing at the baby’s antics. With the second baby, you spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking or hitting the baby. With the third baby, you spend a little bit of every day trying to hide from the children. Would anyone like to become a priest or nun now?? Few things in life are as joyful as parenthood, and few things are as agonizing as parenthood.

               In the gospel today, Simeon predicts that Mary and Joseph will also suffer these parental peaks and valleys in their family life with Jesus. On the one hand, Simeon says Jesus will be a “light of revelation to the Gentiles, and the glory of [the] people Israel.” Can’t you just imagine St. Joseph puffing out his chest with pride, thinking, “That’s my boy!” even though he was Jesus’ foster father. But Simeon goes on to prophesy that parenting would also come at a price, saying to Mary: “And you yourself a sword will pierce – so that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.” Scripture scholars and saints have interpreted that prophesy to mean that Mary would suffer as only a mother could standing silently at the foot of the Cross, helplessly watching her son suffer and die. This is why traditional images of the Immaculate Heart of Mary are often depicted with a sword going through it referring to Simeon’s prophesy in Luke 2:35. In other words, even though Mary and Joseph were parents of the perfect Son, they would not escape the “parent trap,” where both great joys and great agonies are part and parcel of Christian parenting.

                Folks, I’m going to go out on a limb here and offer you a little parenting advice. I realize this sounds a little presumptuous because I’m not literally a parent, but a lot more people call me “Father” than any of you. Let me offer you five pieces of friendly advice as your “spiritual father.”

First pray for your children. This is the easiest of the five parenting tools, but also the most easily ignored and overlooked. Do you actually pray for them literally and daily? Pray for them at Mass, pray the rosary for them (and with them), do a novena for them. One friend of mine prays not only for her children but also for their future spouses because while she may not know who they are, God does. And she wants them to be the best person possible before their meet her kids, so she prays for them. My family gathered and prayed one Our Father, and three Hail Mary’s (one for each child) before we left for school each morning. Pray for your children.

   

                Second, the best gift you can give your child as a father is to love their mother, and the best gift you can give your children as a mother is to love their father. I say this with love and compassion to all divorced and separated parents. But more than the latest video game, or the most fashionable clothes, or a vacation to Disney World, what your children want from you is that you love each other as their mom and dad. Your children don’t mind if you schedule a “date night,” but just don’t be gone for a week!

              Third, lead by example. Don’t ever catch yourself repeating the false aphorism, “Do as I say, not as I do!” Why? Well, because children have an uncanny ability to sniff out a phony, a hypocrite. Don’t just tell them to take out the trash, but do it also yourself. Don’t just make them unload the dishwasher, do it yourself sometimes. Don’t tell them to mow the lawn, but do it yourself occasionally. Don’t just tell them to go to Mass, but go faithfully yourself. If you practice what you preach, not only will you be proud of your children, but your children will be proud of you.

              Fourth, don’t always make life easier for your children, sometimes let life be hard. Last August at Catholic High School for Boys in Little Rock, Steve Straessle, the principal, posted a sign in the school lobby. It had a red stop sign at the top and below it read: “If you are dropping off your son’s forgotten lunch, books, homework, equipment, etc., please TURN AROUND and exit the building. Your son will learn to problem-solve in your absence” (emphasis in original). That sign went viral on social media, being shared over 110,000 times.  Don’t make life easier for your kids. What doesn’t kill your children will only make them stronger, just like it did for you.

                And fifth, prepare yourself for the day that you must let your children go. God does not give you children as a permanent possession, but rather as a loan, and someday you must give them back to him. Nothing causes as much tension and turmoil in family life than when parents get overly involved in their children’s family life. As a parent, you too, like Mary, may stand silently at the foot of their cross and feel like a sword has pierced your heart as your children follow a path you would not recommend. Has that happened to you yet? Perhaps the hardest part of parenting is letting your children go and allowing them to be the author the chapters of their own life story.

                 In 2006, Rodney Atkins released a country music song called “Watching You,” with his own advice about parenting. The refrain went like this: “I’ve been watching you, dad, ain’t that cool? / I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you / And eat all my food, and grow as tall as you are. / We got cowboy boots and camo pants / Yeah, we’re just alike, hey, ain’t we dad? / I wanna do everything you do / So I’ve been watching you.” By the way, that adoring little buckaroo will one day grow up to be a smart-alek teenager.

Praised be Jesus Christ!