Changing Diapers

Experiencing the spousal love of Jesus in the sacraments

06/16/2017

Matthew 5:27-32 Jesus said to his disciples: "You have heard that it was said, You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you,  everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one of your members than to have your whole body thrown into Gehenna. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one of your members than to have your whole body go into Gehenna. "It was also said, Whoever divorces his wife must give her a bill of divorce. But I say to you, whoever divorces his wife (unless the marriage is unlawful) causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

           Sometimes people ask me why I decided to become a priest. Of course, there are the usual suspects that inspire a priestly vocation: helping others spiritually, feeling called by Jesus, and eating free in Mexican restaurants. But if I reflect a little more deeply on the mystery of my vocation, I find it was really the love of my parents that was the taproot of my call. How paradoxical that the love of my parents made me want to be a priest; you’d think seeing the love of two people would make a man want to enjoy the same love himself, and get married  Not necessarily.

            I really didn’t understand how my parents love inspired my priestly vocation until I read a book by Pope St. John Paul II called, Man and Woman He Created Them. There, the pope-saint wrote: “If we reflect deeply on this dimension, we have to conclude that all the sacraments of the Church find their prototype in some way in marriage as the primordial sacrament” (Man and Woman, 511). All that flowery philosophical language just means that marriage is the model of every sacrament because marriage reflects most fully how Jesus love us, that is, as a holy Husband and a sacred Spouse. So, when I become a priest – when I receive the sacrament of Holy Orders – my vocation is also to share the spousal love of Jesus for the Church, just like my parents showed the spousal love of Jesus to each other. And I thought I wanted to become a priest just so I wouldn’t have to change dirty diapers.

            In the gospel today, Jesus speaks clearly and categorically about marriage, and the impossibility of divorce; marriage is going to be a lot harder than just changing diapers. Jesus, the holy Husband says: “But I say to you, whoever divorces his wife (unless the marriage is unlawful), causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” Why is Jesus so unequivocal and unbending about marriage? Doesn’t he see there can be situations that make marriage impossible to endure and that a divorce sometimes becomes necessary? Yes, Jesus knows all these things better than we do, because Jesus knows “what is in man” (John 2:24). He knows us because he made us. Nevertheless, Jesus has bestowed both a beautiful blessing and a back-breaking burden on every marriage: to be a sign and sacrament of his own spousal love. In other words, husbands and wife must love each other like Jesus loves, and sometimes that means changing diapers, and other times it means being nailed to a cross, which is exactly how a divorce feels. That’s why John Paul said marriage enjoys the exalted title of the “primordial sacrament.”

             In May, 2000, I completed my canon law degree and began working in the marriage tribunal, which deals mostly with annulment cases. It’s a very heart-wrenching ministry because you deal with heart-breaking cases, where couples didn’t hit the heights of being a primordial sacrament. I sometimes joke that working in the tribunal is like making lemonade: “When life throws you lemons, make lemonade.” But annulments do more than just make the most of a bad situation. Tribunal ministry is ultimately about healing and wholeness. Divorce is devastating, and a human heart feels like Humpty Dumpty, who all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put back together again. But Jesus is the King of kings ,and he is the Healer of Hearts. And through the annulment process, I’ve been blessed to see people who love like Jesus again; often they can love even better after the annulment than before, like a bone is stronger after a break than before. When their marriage is blessed by the Church, a couple feels Jesus’ spousal love again in the primordial sacrament.

          Why do people get married? They want to experience and exchange the love of Jesus. Why do people get ordained as a priest? They want to experience and exchange the love of Jesus. Sometimes you have to change poopy diapers, and sometimes you have to write poopy annulments. But always the love of Jesus is a lot better than making lemonade.

Praised be Jesus Christ!