Seeing others as brothers and sisters
I urge you on behalf
of my child Onesimus, whose father I have become in my imprisonment, who was
once useless to you but is now useful to both you and me. I am sending him,
that is, my own heart, back to you. I should have liked to retain him for
myself, so that he might serve me on your behalf in my imprisonment for the
Gospel, but I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that the
good you do might not be forced but voluntary. Perhaps this is why he was away
from you for a while, that you might have him back forever, no longer as a
slave but more than a slave, a brother, beloved especially to me, but even more
so to you, as a man and in the Lord.
In the seminary my spiritual
director gave me some great advice on how to deal with especially attractive
women. Since priests are required to be
celibate, we have to learn how to guard our celibacy and not fall in love with
every beautiful woman we meet. Here’s
what he said: “If the beautiful woman is older than you, think of her as your
mother. If the attractive woman is
around your same age, look at her at your sister. If the gorgeous girl is younger than you,
treat her as your own daughter.” And I
have to say, his advice has come in very handy.
We have ladies in the parish now cooking meals for us priests and the
next step will be to have them do our laundry too! Thanks mom!
But seriously, when we see other people, especially women, as members of
our own family, we not only see THEM in a new light, but we begin to see
OURSELVES differently. What do I mean?
When I see these beautiful women as mother and sister and daughter, I
begin to see myself as “son” and “brother” and “dad” to them. And that helps me to know how to behave
toward them and treat them as I should.
You see, my spiritual director wasn’t just telling me how to look at
attractive women, he was teaching me how to look at myself.
St. Paul
is fulfilling the role of a good spiritual director in his letter to
Philemon. Even though the letter is very
brief, Paul gives some great advice, namely, how to look at other people. Philemon had a slave named Onesimus who had
spent time with Paul and become a Christian.
Now, Paul is sending Onesimus back to Philemon, but with a little
advice. He says: “I send Onesimus back
to you no longer as a slave but as a brother in the Lord.” In other words, Paul urged Philemon, like my
spiritual director urged me, to see Onesimus in a new light, not as a slave but
as a brother. But St. Paul was also
subtly suggesting to Philemon to see himself differently: not as a master but
as a brother. You see, Paul wasn’t just
teaching Philemon how to look at Onesimus, he was also telling Philemon how to
look at Philemon.
How do you treat other people? Do you treat some people rudely and
disrespectfully, like people who drive crazy in traffic or people in government
offices who seem not to care? Try to see
them as your mother, your sister, your daughter. Are there people with whom you’ve had a fight
and find it hard to forgive? Try to see
them as your brother or sister. (If it
was your brother and sister you fought with, then you’re out of luck.) Are there people you treat as objects of
pleasure, like beautiful models in swimsuit advertisements or T.V.
commercials? Look at them as your
mother, or sister, or daughter. Like
people sometimes remind us: “Hey, you know, that beautiful girl is somebody’s
daughter.” A good Christian would respond:
"Yes, she's MY daughter." When
we train our eyes and our minds to see others in this new light, we also begin
to see ourselves in a new light, as a brother or sister in the Lord. And we act accordingly.
Praised be
Jesus Christ!
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